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“Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?” Barbra Streisand

Us woman can be the ultimate micro managers. From what I have experienced leaving a man alone when he is in fact doing ‘man things’ is best. If they, the men, are in fact not our children, and are in fact grown up, we need to back away, bite our lip, and leave them be.

I have directed, nagged, suggested, and tried to overall control what my man was doing to no avail. I mean if I knew a better than them, why not? Hands on hips, telling him, how it is supposed to be and why! That bossy girl attitude eventually shrank man’s balls to marbles, awful.  It was through years of messing up and watching other woman smarter than I. Through trial, error, men coiling away, and mere observation, eventually I fully understood this.

For example, I was walking with my girlfriend and we noticed an accident on the freeway. I wanted to call my man to inform him of such news so he could reroute. She looked at me and told me her husband was a grown man and could figure it out for himself. It was as if I got hit with a lightning bolt of what not to do, or what to stop doing.

All of my past errors flooding back to me were somehow making me the mom and that is not a good look with a lover.  Shining a light on the truth made me pause and reroute this behavior. Backing away and allowing man to be man proved to honor them as different then myself, and by extension permitted, man to be man. I cannot pretend what is like to be a man. I have a different set of hormones and my equipment, way different.

In life we may have men as coworkers where our voice is the same. We will have many moments where speaking up is what is called for. However, in the delicate dance of love I needed to put down my mom voice. My sons are now men, they no longer need my direction and that is a real beauty in life. My job with them is done.

For too many years I was cutting my dudes off at the nuts without knowing it. I raised two boys and that should have been enough mothering of men. For me that gig was over. Onto grown up relationships means adjusting my past behavior. Let man have their man cave, I don’t have to understand it I just have to let it be.

I am happy this lesson has been learned I am happy that I can see and honor our differences. For me that is what makes it interesting. In all the sameness there is camaraderie. In all the differences there is flavor and lessons, patience, and ultimately love.

I have put away nagging. It did not work in the first place. It doesn’t look good with any outfit. Life is much sexier without it.

My Mantra: “Women can help and learn from woman, more effective ways of communication”

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About the Author:

Tink, Katinka, KatieKate, Mamu. All names given to me depicting the many hats I wear. Although I would like to say I am organized, focused and cookie-cutter, that simply would not be me. I am no different than any other single woman in the world. I love to love, love hard, and, in the end, have learned to love myself above all else. So here I am, writing about the many men and the multiple purposes they have served in my life. I have realized not one man on my roster has fulfilled every single one of my needs. Perhaps one man is not supposed to? I have compiled snippets of the men that have entered my world. In the end, they have shoved me towards my bathroom mirror, forcing me to take a better look at myself.