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“Pretty soon now you’re gonna get older,Time may change me,
But I can’t trace time”…David Bowie Changes Lyrics
When my sweet hairstylist asked me a simple question, I had a mini public melt down. Change is hard, I’ve felt it most recently. Why is it when things are humming along, we would never consider change? Why would we?… There we are in the land of the great familiar.
“Do you need change”?
I responded knowing the respected confidence of a hairdresser is second only to a therapist,
“I had been experiencing an identity crisis of sorts” I babbled on with tears gliding down my cheeks. “I now am in the role of taking care of my parents”.
The small child in me was stubbornly fighting this fact of life, coupled with other unpleasant realities, that low and behold required attention. I am well aware I am a big grown girl, but in my heart, I was collapsing like a small child not getting my way. I continued,
“My parents had always been there for me, and now they need me as they are in the winter of their life” I heard ‘winter of life’ in a movie somewhere.
She listened with patience and reassured me to feel what I was feeling that was a faster route to acceptance. I knew she was correct however in a solon all teary I also understood I had a ways to go. I had found myself wanting to sleep and I knew that I was struggling with a life change that most all of us go through.
It seemed to me that change often times is brought about by something hard, bad, uncomfortable. Then we are forced to pivot and look at things differently. Look at ourselves differently and ultimately understand that we would in fact endure change. That change really somehow will be better. Death, divorce, job loss, illness, injury, moving, accident, bam there we are trying to navigate a new normal.
Even a new love, or positive change can require adaptation. This world we were put in is chalk full of change, the ability to adjust and reinvent is survival.
Change and growth can be as enlightening as we allow it to be.Breaking free from old habits and patterns that may not have served us. A blessing that shows up in disguise as scary and unwanted. A blessing that may be work but in the end a journey we would accept and encourage others that are facing changes as well.
My journey has endured of a great deal of unwelcome loss that brought me to my knees, more than once. Facing change, I learned to pick myself up and smile again. My story is no different than anyone else’s, learning as I go, overcoming changes, and recognizing my identity is in flux.
I raised the back of my hand to wipe my tears. My hairdresser gave me a heartfelt side hug. As I made my way home, I knew what I was struggling with, all the changes surrounding me, I could not hide from. Somehow, I knew that letting my emotions bubble to the surface was just what I needed. That my mini-melt down in the solon would prove to be acceptable. Feeling certain that others have wept in that very chair before, and others will weep after. I do not have the paten on tears or on melting down. I guess I am just really blessed I had a wise tender ear at the right moment.
My Mantra: “Do I need to change? Hell yes! Egad, growing pains.”