“How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?” Satchel Paige
Birthday time is like personal inventory. An introspective glance into my past year, my future. What do I want to accomplish, what do I want to pass on, and what is bringing me more remarkable healing and personal truth?
On the other hand, I obsess over things less profound. How much older do I look, there’s a struggle. How do I fit into my clothes? Do I still rock that bikini? Can my body do the things it used to? Those are my moments of truth. Mirrors are damned.
Am I trading wrinkles for a life well spent?
That said, part of me fights age by taking advantage of modern advances that provide a more youthful look—the bliss of Botox.
I further investigated my time spent last year. How is book two? Daily edits, hopeful grind uphill. Am I helping others with the wisdom I’ve gained with time? For years, I have sought insight into dating, relationships, parenthood, and marriage. Foremost with self, the buck stops there. No one can wriggle away from self.
Over time, I have blundered, failed, and attempted businesses with no success; I have written children’s books that are not published. On the road to trying to become better, my history obviously records some awful along the way.
I have had some very questionable choices in love. I clung onto roles that never served me. Those roles mainly were to fit into the life of a man I saw a future with, gag. I was leaving myself behind to become a shadow version of Mrs. Now Guy. Who was I then? Lost enough to lose myself and my dreams. No one should give up themselves to fit into the role of another human. Find you in you.
Learning about myself through the years comes with brilliant contentment. Happiness and sadness are feelings on the spectrum. To know contentment is the Queen of all truths. Self and choices around oneself are accepting it.
Do I still push forward? Hell yes, most days. Do I still slide backward? Yes, some days as well.
My birthday revelation reveals nothing overwhelming. Maybe small insights can make a difference. Reflection is just simply a reminder to go forward in some ways toward my goals.
I have always seen beauty in aging. I have friends of all ages. I can celebrate every day the age I am in the skin I have.
If you can be silly with yourself, view yourself in the most humbling vulnerable way, and still be ok, that is inspired.
Stand your solid ground and refuse to be anyone but yourself. If you can look at your life and your choices and feel good about them, you are doing something right.
My Mantra: “Set your mind and goals on your dreams, plow forward, life shows up, show up with it.”
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