Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed.
I thought I had done all the work to let go, forgive, and move on. Most of it internal, but I thought I had covered all the bases. This includes, but is not limited to: therapy, energy healing, and soul healing. Really? What is left? Somehow, on a deeper level, I believe I still carry around past hurts with me.
Since moving to a new town, I decided I did not want to pack one more thing. Especially if it’s related to any past pain or reminds me of the victim I once thought I was. I’m guessing bubble wrap may be required? Past hurt is fragile; this side up, no jostling the box.
Upon the passing of Dr. Wayne Dyer, I have had the opportunity to watch a couple of his movies. One of the movies was “My Greatest Lesson.” The person Wayne was most “hurt” by, he later realized was his greatest teacher. Dr. Dyer’s shift in thinking released years of pain providing him with the personal freedom he needed to change his entire perspective.
When it comes to life, love, and healing lessons we are all the same. In my particular instance, lugging around the hurt that “happened” to me will never serve me. I even went as far as working with a holistic healing Kinesiologist. It was during our session that she had me create a personal mantra. It was something to the effect of: “I love and accept myself, even if I can not heal from this hurt.”
This simple phrase sent me into the greatest sense of freedom; freedom from being so hard on myself, freedom from blaming myself for things out of my control, and freedom playing the victim on my personal journey. No matter what healing takes place or does not take place, I will be all right. Self-compassion brought me one step closer to freeing myself of past pain once and for all. Emotional trauma will always exist, but it is how we decide to confront our darkest demons that becomes our choice. I choose to take this trauma and make it my strength by sharing with others what I have learned.
We all just want love, sense of self, and peace. If I can look at what happened to me as my greatest teachers I could see the pain as a gift. I must treasure the journey and be grateful that I have had so many opportunities to grow as a human. Those who were once my enemies can now be my teachers?… That’s a big switch. I’m not sure if I can do that, but I am sure that I can try.
Freeing myself from past burdens should open me up for true love. Starting with loving myself, and my journey, all of it, even the icky parts.
“I love and accept the journey I have been on. My teachers are everywhere.”
Although I would like to say I am organized, focused and cookie-cutter, that simply would not be me. I am no different than any other woman in the world. I love to love, love hard, and, in the end, have learned to love myself above all else. So here I am, writing about the many men and the multiple purposes they have served in my life. Realizing that not one man on my roster had fulfilled every single one of my needs. Perhaps one man is not supposed to? I have compiled snippets of the men that have entered my world. In the end, they have shoved me towards my bathroom mirror, forcing me to take a better look at myself. Reflection is brilliant and the strongest guidepost into ourselves.
Working on the next book in the series “A House for Every Purpose, My Journey From Pillow to Pillow” revels a woman abandoning her home in search or her identity beyond men, motherhood, author.