“My kids say if there’s any family dinner that doesn’t result in somebody crying, it’s not a good dinner. They cry because it helps relieve them of guilt or some onerous emotional burden. It’s like a family tradition.”
Ho ho ho. It is that time of the year. To overspend, overstress, and try to make everyone happy… while being well aware someone will be disappointed along the way.
I felt internally awkward that some of the family in attendance could have been more desirable. It is always that way. No family is without some cranky Scrooge type, weird uncle, or a welcome ex that is like a time machine I’d prefer not to travel to. But that is the holidays, trying earnestly to embrace all. Bracing myself for what may go wrong will never serve me. Nor will stressing about gifts, shopping, and a picture-perfect home. However, I do all of that and then some. I am still determining when I will learn the lessons I teach, but I am on a path of doing just that: healing, self-care, and love.
When my kids were young, I did my best to create magic. It was indeed about seeing the sparkle in their innocent eyes. Now that they have grown, everything has shifted. We all live in different towns. Some of our original list has fallen to the wayside as people leave or join our lives.
Still, a part of me wants to have that sparkle back. I know to avoid the crazy people that bring drama, so that’s out of the way. No crazy relatives are sitting gassy in the corner with disgruntled, painfully mind-numbing stories.
I have been known to create high expectations that cause me to feel anxious—setting myself up for impending failure. How can I shift from bah-humbug to fa-la-freaking-la?
Letting go of the past, it’s the past, let go of it!
Some things that bugged me hurt me… it is time to drop. That should be my New Year’s resolution! Coming into the new year, I let go of bad memories I no longer need. I already feel lighter and sweeter.
I now share a beautiful home with a husband. He is my number three husband, but we are like two peas in a pod. Each year, we are closer than the year before. I have finally figured out the whole love thing. I wrote about my love and history with men in “A Man for Every Purpose, My Naked Journey Searching for Love,” an excellent book for anyone whose love story is imperfect. Highly recommended read!
Sitting in front of a freshly cut Christmas tree, I am starting to understand that tradition can be precious. Even if it changes, this may be a celebrated year. I may have found my sparkle!
My Mantra: “I can be Okay with how the holidays unfold. I can let go of hard things from my past.”