3 REASONS WHY IT’S OKAY TO GO TO BED MAD…

“Don’t bring a knife to a gunfight” The Untouchable film.

Oh, wise couples say they never go to bed mad. That is their steadfast rule and sage advice for others. They stay up and work it out before they go to sleep.

I say one of them caves due to exhaustion. To me, this whole idea is ridiculous, stubborn, and unrealistic.

I will give three reasons why it is better to go to bed mad at your partner/spouse/other half.

1)You might want to halt if unresolved issues spew like crazy venom late at night. In other words, you are tired, and the voice inside you is heated and feels unheard. Agree to lay it down and greet the issue the next day. If, after a good night’s rest, the problem is still there. The best way to do this is to have a prearranged understanding so no one feels abandoned in their feelings.

2) Your emotions may be something else beyond anger. The voice inside you may be that of your hurt eight-year-old self; put those feelings to bed. You may want to take a time out and sleep on what it really is. Partners can trigger one another by mirroring a side that is not pretty. It is essential to understand truly what is making you mad. Anger can be a cover-up emotion when unable, ready, or willing to talk about the more complicated, vulnerable emotions that we are feeling underneath. You may be angry at yourself for not sharing sooner, or even worse, realizing it had much to do with your triggers and less to do with your partners. If you want to go deep, choose the right moment before that happens. As my dad would say, “Timing is everything.”

3) Like a child, rest, sleep, and a new day can bring a new perspective and insight. Rest would not make an issue go away unless the problem was that you just needed a good night’s sleep! The fact is that you should not make any big decisions or express yourself in anger if you are tired. The most important things should not be discussed if you are exhausted, need sleep, and put on your oxygen mask first. You can agree that you will lay down your argument until later. You are not turning away from one another, just turtling in until you feel calm. This way, you can both be heard and know it is just an official time-out.

I know this subject well, as my husband and I have yelled at one another, “TIME-OUT!” Like we were heated coaches on a kid’s soccer field. We storm off and, for the most part, sulk. The steamy, unresolved issue plays in my head repeatedly, with no winners within sight. However, in my troubling thoughts, he, of course, is the most unreasonable, obviously. Stepping away is not only good for me, but it is safe. I know that time will pass, and we will stand together soon. If I am tired, I can say that rest always brings around my mood. I need to pause, reset, reboot, and recharge; that is normal and works excellently. Then, I can absorb balanced reason.

My Mantra: “Conflict resolution is best served well rested.”