BLAME/STORY/CHOICE

“Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.” George S. Patton

Here we go again. The cycle continues. Your friend/lover/spouse is dismissive, mean, drunk, combative, opportunistic, or crazy….
You are landing in the same square with the same story. Oh, and that story is about them; it keeps happening to you, a sad victim of your mess.

I ask you, is it them or is it you? After all, you are the common denominator. Part of your story is how many disruptive women/men you have been with.

We are drawn to what we know. Sometimes we can learn to recognize our repetitive patterns. We can sit through hours of therapy, read self-help books, and do the work.

But the story we repeat to others or just in our head is familiar, our calling card, it is the crap that we have had to endure, our ‘trauma story.’ Staying in our hole may be the cozy space that we choose. Even though it is sticky, toxic, and sometimes nauseating, staying in our unhealthy bonds requires minimal effort and offers no surprises. Living a life that is fuel for negative fodder.
In those times, we blame the person we have chosen; it is the story we tell. I get it, I see it. I get caught up in the fact that some people do not feel they deserve more than their repetitive choices. When you are brave enough to realize your life’s tale, pay attention if it has repeated qualities.

I am reading Mel Robbins’ book “Just Let Them Theory”. To sum up what is, in fact, a good read, a reminder of what we need to apply in our lives. Just let them, we are all choosing what we want in this life. Allowing our past to follow and guide us is not wise. With intention, we can live past our “story”, with life beyond our history. We can reach further and not allow our yesteryear to be anything other than a map. Although some maps are more colorful than others, we all have baggage.

This is your life; it is ticking by. Revising your story to one that is healthier, less anxious, and safer may be the ticket, but the price is work, and that may be uncomfortable because it is not what you have done thus far. You know you are not in the right situation, but you waste days, months, and years before you value yourself enough to exit.
What happened to me when I hit bottom? When I reached a point where staying was more painful, I knew it was time to make a change. I will not lie; it was not easy. There were days when I walked on eggshells, cowered in self, and morphed myself to fit into “his” idea of me. I shamefully left myself behind to try to fit into the mold I thought I needed to be entirely accepted.

Pain will always lead the way. Those men and situations are a part of my past, roadmap, and story. I am no longer attracted to that drama. I will not be controlled, handled, corrected, or reshaped.

I realized my life was supposed to be strong, safe, seen, and secure. Guess what? It is. I am now married to a man who takes me as I am and supports my dreams and days.

Now, I don’t care if I fit or not. I no longer try to make everyone happy; I am here to love to be myself. I do not walk on eggshells; I stomp and dance through life, allowing my visions and dreams to shape in a safe space.

My Mantra: “When it is more painful to ______ (fill in the blank), you find change.”