UNTANGLING THE WEB OF MENTAL ILLNESS

“Crazy people don’t sit around wondering if they’re nuts.” Jake Gyllenhaal

I grew up in a family that surrounded me with the then-unknown energy of mental illness. In the 1960s and 1970s, obtaining a precise diagnosis was rare, even in the most severe cases. My household was loud, clambering for attention, and I was quiet, observant, and anxious.

Later in my life, it would be revealed that one of my brothers was bipolar manic depressive, the other paranoid schizophrenic, and the undiagnosed ones were loud, sometimes the most deafening. These diagnoses helped me to make sense of what felt so disruptive for many years.

This is Mental Awareness Month. I live in a town that hosts unhoused people. Some of those unfortunate ones suffer from mental illness as they walk down the street, yelling at no one but themselves.

I appreciate the fact that mental illness is talked about. Many people who suffer talk about it. Children can be diagnosed and helped at an early age. We should no longer be afraid of having a complicated conversation about mental illness; it is an illness, and for the most part, there are solutions.

Some famous people who suffer from mental illness include Bill Gates on the autism spectrum, and he talks openly about it. Bipolar Disorder: Carrie Fisher, Mel Gibson, Brian Wilson, J. P. Morgan. Depression: Dwayne Johnson, Angelina Jolie, Ashley Judd, Anne Abel, Billy Joel. To name a few, but as with lists, they go deeper. As with illness, it affects those around them.
I found myself attracted to men with narcissism. This continued until I learned about the disorder and why I would accept such mistreatment. I disappeared in such an environment, and that would not be for me. I got out. I repeated this pattern until I could free myself once and for all. I look back at myself then with a great deal of grace. The illness of narcissism was all too familiar to me in my childhood and beyond. As I hung up the phone after reconnecting with an ex, I felt two things instantly: ick, and an appreciation for my husband. I am aware I need to be kind to myself and who I was when I allowed such a skewed relationship.
Growing up in a household marked by uncertainty and chaos held me in its grip for years. It is not just the ill ones who suffer, but those close by can exhibit signs of stress-related factors that exist from being in such an environment.

I am writing my second book, which offers a momentary glimpse into the perspective I experienced. For me, it was just an unsteady beginning that would propel me into uncovering book after book on Psychology and send me into therapy, which would all slowly reveal truths that were my own.

If you suffer because a family member close to you is suffering, there is help. There are educated people who can help you in your plight of feeling helpless and perhaps even fearful.

My Mantra: “Finding peace with your history, allowing it to stay in your past.”