ABUSED MEN: THE SILENT SUFFERERS…MORE ON JOHNNY DEPP

“Men must know their limitations.” Clint Eastwood

Johnny Depp’s trial with ex-wife Amber Heard is something we must remember. Depp bravely led the way, speaking out for men who do not even know how to begin approaching the subject.
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), one in four men will experience some form of physical or emotional abuse in a relationship during their lifetime.
The numbers tell a story that is not often told. The fact is that these men, for the most part, do not speak up, silencing their voice in confusion, shame, as their wives/partners are emotionally or physically abusing them. Society tells them they are the ones to protect, so they protect the one who is hurting them.

In our society, even today, gender stereotypes still exist. The stronger man dare not speak up about his female partner.
We often imagine women to be the victims of domestic abuse, not the idea of a man experiencing abuse. The truth is, men can and do experience abuse in their relationships, which can go unnoticed.

If you’re a male experiencing abuse, you’re all too aware of this. And you may feel isolated and possibly ashamed of your circumstance.
But you’re not alone. Male abuse survivors are more common than you might realize, and the abused can vary greatly.
How can something as serious as abuse in a relationship be overlooked? If a man is being abused, wouldn’t we know it? Wouldn’t we see it?
The answer is, probably not.

People, especially the men who are living with it, don’t talk about it — even if they realize it’s happening. But a woman controlling or abusing a man? This must mean the man is weak and easily manipulated, right? No, not at all.
It’s common for those experiencing abuse to have trouble seeing it and be resistant to admitting it. It’s a ‘they can handle it, like a man’ mentality that prevails. For a man in particular, to acknowledge that he’s being abused in his relationship can be perceived as emasculating. It may feel easier to develop coping skills, including denial, so that he can exist in his life.

Abuse isn’t just physical. It’s far more likely that the man experiencing abuse is dealing with emotional, psychological, verbal, and even sexual abuse. Threats of harm to himself or his partner may also involve verbal manipulation of self-harm.

Johnny Depp’s ex-wife Amber abused Jonny on every level imaginable, and as the stories unfold, it is hard to perceive. YouTube the trial. She would rage at him and threaten to kill herself. The seriousness of their madness, as shown in the trial, is incredulous. I am sorry for the pain and raw exposure that this is bringing.
However, I am glad that the taboo subject can now be openly talked about and has a voice.

Our society has a blind spot for the relationship abuse men can experience, which means we fail to notice how much more common it is than we want to believe.

Signs of abuse in men:
1) Anxious or fearful about his partner’s response. Being overly concerned about how his partner will respond isn’t healthy. It may be a sign of fear that failure to please will result in punitive or abusive measures. This is true for both men and women and can result in a breakdown of communication, a vicious cycle.
2) Repeatedly needing to check in with his partner. His partner may seem controlling, and he is guarded around her to maintain peace, anticipating a potential outburst of rage.
3) Depression. In men, it can manifest as anger more so than in a despondent mood.
4) Alcohol or substance use. Men are prone to using alcohol as a method of self-medicating, to bury emotions, and to escape.

The news feed is rehashing Depp’s trial as it is the anniversary. My perspective is that Jonny is brave, a MeToo stance. From what I can read, Jonny is doing well, albeit that, due to the negative press, his career has taken a back seat. I hope this will change soon, as he is entertaining and talented. Is Hollywood casting a blind spot on Depp for speaking out? I hope not. Hollywood has a reputation for having narrow ideals to support their agenda.

My Mantra: “Getting help that you need to is empowering.”