CAN MEN AND WOMEN JUST BE FRIENDS?

”Men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way, because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive.” “What if he doesn’t find her attractive?” “He still wants to have sex with her.” When Harry Met Sally

The age-old question is, can hetero sexual men and women just be friends? Even if the man does not act on it, does he still want to have sex?

I have been told that the male mind instantly thinks of what a woman is like in bed the first time he meets her. After that, he normalizes and does not, in fact, chase after that. That was a conversation I will never forget. We were riding horses through the hills of San Juan Capistrano with a group. His wife was not there. That fact may be more about him than the male population, but I’m guessing he was not far off.

I have had a great deal of men friends that I never had a romantic connection with, no sex. I have had brother-like figures in my life whom I loved like brothers. I never felt as if with those friends they were thinking sexual encounter with me. I was not thinking like that, nope.

What I know for sure. If a man is lucky enough to have a real, genuine friendship with a woman, he can learn more about the species than any other experience may offer, because in a friendship, a woman will spill her guts and tell him just what women think. That alone should be a motivating reason for friendship, to deeper understand the opposite sex.

I have a couple of single female friends who have male friendships. They hang out intermittently and stay in touch like friends do. There is no romance there, and they keep it light.

I wrote an entire book about gathering many different men in my life for many different purposes. In every relationship, I was looking for myself through their lens. I was on a journey searching for myself and my relationship with men. I was always so confused and lost with the male species. I set out to find answers. When it comes to uncovering the truth, I am relentless. Tenaciously studying what my life choices were and the why of it all is. As I wrote each chapter, I got a bit closer to understanding myself. To give myself heartfelt grace for some of my whacky choices and some of my downright horrible choices. I continued to succumb to the realization that it was never about the men, never not once. It was about where I was with myself, and what I attracted at the time was a direct reflection of that. I made some regretful, sorrowful choices until I learned better and realized I was beautiful on the inside and worthy of a partnership.

But I am off topic. Men and women, it is a choice, and having beautiful friendships is a part of the choices we make. You can see a perspective that would not be offered in same sex relationships, hold the value in that, and appreciate the friends you have.

That being said, if you are married or have a partner, an opposite sex friendship should have boundaries and be out in the open. Your main focus must be your spouse, period.
My Mantra: “I am grateful for the genuine love of male friends throughout my life!”