OH GRIEF… WHY I AM A HOT MESS ON A COLD DAY?

“Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life.” Anne Roiphe

Loss is all around me, and gaining speed. All I see is a focus on loss; by the power of handy manifestation, more loss appears, presto: What you think is what you get—every time.

I am so naive as I thought grief was carved out for those who lost a loved one due to death; boy, was I wrong. I imagined a widow dressed in black with pearls, with gloves on, weeping at a funeral. How a very black-and-white movie of me, romanticizing the mourning beautiful widow. Who is not too sad as somehow a hero shows up while she is pruning her roses… After all, she is quite the beauty. Nope, grief is nothing like that, not at all.

I should have known more or learned more, as I dated a widow during my dating career, and it was a career. I did not come close to understanding or grasping what he must have gone through, losing the love of his life. I lamely treated him like the next potential love of my life; layers went far deeper, and that brief but meaningful story is for another time.
What I have learned from grieving so far. Grief is different for everyone, yet there are common steps that show up. When grieving is called for, loss of a spouse, home, job, child, animal, innocence, divorce, empty nesting, illness, accident, this list can go on and on. As grief presents itself, light can be shone on wounds from your past; healing can enter.

What?!?!

Yes, grief serves a purpose of deeper healing, not just the immediate obvious, but it goes further.

Traumas that are still dwelling silently inside you, marching around like quiet ghosts. This light, though it may be painful, can bring healing to wounds you thought you were done with. It sounds like more work to me because it is. If you don’t do the job, you won’t know the freedom from the grief that binds you.

I have also learned that trigger points can be almost anything. Music, sound, smells, touch, and a place can elicit memories that assist in healing. Once I gave in, the world around me altered to serve my commitment to the process of grief.

Sometimes, our body and mind can shut down as a way to protect us if we are not ready to face the grief we have experienced. It is okay if that has happened, but if it persists and you cannot face your grief, you eventually need to process it to heal. If you recognize this and are trapped in denial, find a friend, group, counseling, or book to begin safely. Otherwise, your pain can get trapped in your body and manifest itself into something else.

My friend, a MFC, recommended writing a letter to the grief. Not to be sent but to allow the process of handwriting and find what may submerge. The letter does not have to be to a person, but it can be to something such as security or identity.

It sounds powerful, like art therapy for grief. It can connect to your brain to rewire trauma. I am guessing that EMDR also works in a different method to bring about the same effect, healing past and present wounds. I have had Kinesiology that seemed much the same (I have not studied the differences), as the therapist worked with eye movement and releasing different parts of the body. I did not understand it, but I knew for me it was highly effective and healing.

My Mantra: “Make a choice for yourself that includes healing.”