“I am a woman in process. I’m just trying like everybody else. I try to take every conflict, every experience and learn from it. Life is never dull.” Oprah Winfrey
The games people play.
We get caught up in doing things a certain way because it is what we know, as it worked in the past. We meld into this handy pattern, unaware that this is where our triggers take us, and we respond on an unconscious level.
It takes work to wake up, but it is worth it.
I recently had my counselor call me out on my ‘game’ and why it was my go-to. Bells rang so damn loud as I could see myself over the years playing this role. Be it good or, well, it was not good at all, yet, there I go again.
My first boyfriend was a busy, popular guy. I got more attention from him if I was sick. Trigger, I became ill to get the attention I was looking for, pathetic. My old self wants to tell my young self to stop it. But here I am, looking at my whole self. I know how I feel when I get caught in my own game, it is not fun, and I genuinely know I can do better.
The push-me-pull-you relationship. She yells, “I can’t stand it anymore; I’m done.” He responds, “I don’t want to hear about it” they sulk to separate corners. Apologies arrive, he shows kindness, and she softens. All is back to the way they were, until next time. That is the game they play; make-up sex may or may not be involved.
I knew my partner’s games, their triggers, flare-ups, and temper, but that was what I stemmed on. I situated myself beyond their behavior, which was part of my ‘game’.
Looking at history. I had a great opportunity when writing my book, based on a true story mostly, “A Man for Every Purpose, My Naked Journey Searching for Love” writing gave me a hard look at my history. That was telling, but the intricacies of my behavior or reactions in conflict did not arise. I was on a tangent to finish the book and tell my tale. That was my goal.
Now I am in a marriage, and recognizing my own “shit” is no longer an option; it is a requirement.
The bottom line is to see where you go in conflict and partnership. We all have our deal. I am lucky a light shone upon me, and I have caught myself in my angst.
It can be uncomfortable, but within your truth, a change can occur. Being stagnant in life was never an option for me. I have pushed to go forward and to learn more.
I love how Oprah wants us all to grab our dream and live an enlightened life. If that is where Oprah is marching, I pay attention.
Recognition is the first step and key to most change. We all have habits, patterns, and soft spots we react to. I have always advocated taking a look at your history and seeing what role you played. Maybe not to the extent of writing a book, but I will tell you, write it down on paper. You are the common denominator of your relationships; what do you find in yourself when you put it to pen and paper?
My Mantra: “Knowing your game is a game changer”