CRAZY LOVE: THE WOMAN WHO WAITED A LEOPARD TO BECOME A ZEBRA….

“There’s so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.” Lily Tomlin

SHE LOVED him soooooo much. His kisses melted her knees while sending her soaring. Her goal was to get married and have children. Frightfully traditional, but she didn’t care. She knew what she wanted; however, she was in love with a man who had told her upfront that he did not want children, was fairly sure he never wanted to get married, and was honestly doubtful about either. Dangling hope along with fabulous sex that kept her trying to change his mind. She was chasing change with naive hope that she could find everlasting love in a man who otherwise told her different.

He is a Leopard, she complains about his true nature to her girlfriends, his spots, also known as a lack of ambition, which prevents the relationship from progressing from fun to something more substantial. She drones on about how he is drifting through life, lacking goals or drive. He is on laid-back autopilot, and she is complaining about floating through his world. The sex is excellent and has a significant hold on her. She asks her friends, “Do you think he will change his mind? I know he is in love with me.” Silence hangs for a moment.

One brave friend retorted, “He will never be what you want. You are wasting your time. He seems like an okay boyfriend, the great sex… is great, but he is blocking you from finding your husband. Suppose he is a Leopard, when your imaginary husband is a Zebra. Stop wanting a Leopard that will never be a Zebra.” She hears her but has a hard time listening. She wants him to change for her; that’s her truth, but how will she change him? Spot remover?… how would that work, she thinks… She’s clever, she tries, she has a bag of tricks and pulls out all the stops, but wait…

She will never change him.

A Leopard will never lose its spots, and why would they? Leopards are stunning. She will always want to get married and have children. Why wouldn’t she? She wants to live a big, full life, the way she dreams it, sees it, and hopes it will be.

He is not keeping her in a holding pattern; she is choosing to stay. How can she leave a man she loves? She has to love herself more.

I have been in her shoes. I stayed an embarrassing amount of time trying to change him, not me. I knew what I wanted and was confident that I could figure out how to achieve it. Was I wasting my time? Yes, absolutely, I would not have done it any other way. I deeply loved my eternal bachelor, a slightly narcissistic man. I was wholly stubborn; I thought I could change him. Those lofty ideals were qualities that indicated I sorely lacked self-love and was riddled with self-doubt. I turned myself inside out rather than figuring out who I genuinely was, what I honestly wanted.

It was not until I exited the relationship. Then I did the work on healing (which is an ongoing process). That I found, I did not have to compromise. I was aware of how badly I truly felt about myself in that relationship. By the time we were over, I no longer recognized myself; that alone was horrifying. It was not his fault; he was/is an exquisite leopard. I needed to find myself and my worth, and that would never be trying to change another human.

It is all recorded in my book. He is still beautiful, unmarried, the epitome of a leopard; his true nature and character were laid bare before me from the very start. I am now married and happy for it; my husband is the best Zebra, just what I earnestly wanted. I am pursuing the healing process, and I suspect it will continue.

My Mantra: “If men really wants you, they will show you.”