WHY MARRY SOMEONE THAT WOULD BE GOOD TO YOU IF YOU DIVORCED?

“The person you marry is not the person you divorce.” Unknown author.

No one gets married to get divorced, no one, well, green card marriages, I suppose, like in the movies. The fact of the matter is that most marriages will end in divorce. More than 50% of marriages end in divorce.

I stood at the altar for the third time because in this man I found a protector, a best friend, and much more. I must be a die-hard romantic, given that we’re married. I thought I had figured out so much about relationships and love. Hell, I wrote a book about the love journey I have been on. Still, decades later, I am still learning about marriage, and more importantly, about myself.

The perfect venue, dress, cake, and all the new and shiny moments are just that—a moment. The truth lies within us, and the partner we choose is just a mirrored reflection of how we feel about ourselves. It takes years to understand yourself and how you are in a marriage. The outside of a marriage takes inside work.

The roles we take on may be from trauma or a misconception of how we are seen, or not seen, for that matter. It is vital to dig into the onion layers of self before you launch into a marriage. Because in the process of learning about yourself, you find changes, even subtle ones.

Yes, young marriages can work. You do not have to be Yoda with years of wisdom to march down the aisle, but you must know a few vital things.

Know who you are, the whole package. Know your love language, how you communicate, love, and fight with a partner. Make certain that you and your future spouse talk about expectations for how you navigate life’s ongoing changes. Understand what you are signing up for, and realize that things can change in the blink of an eye.

Prenups can be your friend. This may help you dive further into what is expected and what is protected in the event of a divorce. More people get divorced than stay married—prenups and not just for successful men marrying a woman in debt. They are for those who are thoughtful and aware of entering a contract. The people who get prenups also get their trust in order; it is the business of love. There are enough things in life to pull at you; knowing that your estate is in order is something you can take care of.

Answer this question: How would your partner treat you in a divorce? How does he treat his ex? How is he towards his mother? How does his dad treat his mom? Are his parents still married? How do they interact with one another?

These are flags you must not ignore. When the writing is on the wall, it is on the wall. It is time to put on your big girl panties, let go of the idea of the “perfect wedding day,” and prepare for a lifelong journey. Oh, that journey may be lifelong even if you get divorced. So, knowing who you are marrying is the same person you may divorce, attend your child’s graduation with, or even sit in a different aisle from, while you are doing that, picture a younger version of yourself sitting next to him, don’t hate me, I am just saying, like it is, very plausible.