SEXUAL ETIQUETTE…. IN THE DATING WORLD

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was ‘the man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
Joan Rivers

It seems as if simple sexual etiquette needs to be mindful. Sexuality changes with society and culture through the years and decades. Basic sexual humanity remains exactly how it once was and will always be. Factoring what is considerate and gentle would do nothing but serve you. Weather you are married, or single, or on a sexual rampage, kindness will always be of benefit.

I am single and dating. When I meet someone new, I would rather not hear about any kind of roster. Not right off the bat, anyway. Nor would I share my last tryst, not on the first date. Too much, too soon is not a good look.

I was recently on a first date with a guy that told me he had a girlfriend he was not attracted to. He added that he had shared a bed with her for a couple of months as she settled into a new town. Then he shared more. Yes, they had also had sex once. Reminding me of the movie, “When Harry Met Sally.” Harry said something to the effect that men want to have sex with their female friends even the ones they find unattractive. I kept a straight face but inside I was thinking, ‘oh man, I’d rather not know this!’ My fault, I did not sweetly utter my annoyance on our date. Upon reflection, I had several annoyances that date night. He was nice, very dateable, but I needed to do better.

I am sure my date felt he could be open with the “Sexlovemantra” girl and that I have heard it all. That part may be true, but in romance, it may have been very well too soon.

If I am writing about and open to these “love and sex” subjects, so do I just need to prepare myself with such candor? I am looking for a lasting relationship, a true partnership for life. Will I be tripping myself up with my own openness? Or can I find romance with proper etiquette and timing?

Sexual etiquette needs to include being polite. Taking your partner’s nakedness, or lack of, into consideration. Body language, touch, and kindness with words can all magically factor into the foreplay game.

Sex begins in the kitchen. That can be taken literally, big fun! More specifically, I am referring to a compliment along the lines of, “Oh honey, dinner smells so good! How was your day?” Then add a special momentary touch that indicates closeness; the knowingness between two people. The language of touch and the tone of one’s voice set the stage for loving later. This is a win-win approach to the game of love and sex.

Even in the one-nightstand situation (I would imagine), couples should serve each other with kind words and communication. Politeness would be vital since you don’t even know each other. Sex is sex, however, there are nuances that can make intimacy more pleasurable.

Sit up and take notes. Tune into your feelings and the feelings of your lover. Be kind to yourself, be open and honest, and pay attention to your lover. This is the sexual etiquette beginner’s course. Be healthy with your choices, thoughtful to others and others will exhibit the same.

My Mantra: “My sexuality is a precious gift, so is my that of my lover”