“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.” George Burns
She was going through menopause in her late forties while breaking up with a long-term boyfriend. She felt the hormones gave her a voice that was removed bit by bit for years. She is proud of herself but grieving the loss of her ex nonetheless. She understood the importance of sex, and newly single, she focused on sex with herself; she knew that drill. Oh no, her orgasm did not arrive. An hour later, she gave up for the day. Days went on with very little luck or reward. Her best girlfriend told her to see her gynecologist to see if hormone replacement could help. She did just that. After replacing her hormones in a balanced and doctor-prescribed manner low-and-behold, three weeks after, she and her orgasm blissfully reunited. She happily never lost her “O” again.
Thirty-nine years old. Happy marriage, two kids, full life. Her mother died suddenly. It was a shock. Her father was left alone, and she felt torn in many directions. They lived five miles away, and her mother was a part of helping with her elementary school-aged children. She and her husband connected well in the bedroom, but for her, she was emotionally numb. This lasted six months. Her husband was patient until he was not. He told her that it was time for her to stop keeping busy taking care of everyone else and grieve. Initially, she was angry with him because she found business a great justification, but she soon joined a grief group. A few weeks later, her husband took them on a mini getaway when Grandpa watched their two kids. Her orgasm returned with many tears of joy and sorrow. She felt empowered, and her husband rejoiced, planning more weekend trips.
She adored her husband and wanted to be happy in their sexual union. She faked the first time and did not find a way out. They were married, and he thought he was getting the job done. It took courage for her to eventually buy an adult toy and find ‘it’ on her own. A year after discovering her body and exactly how she operated, she confessed to her husband. He was unsettled, yet after they went to counseling, then they incorporated her toy into their time together. Happy ending for both. She became brave in the fight for her pleasure.
A FEW FACTS:
One out of two women will have trouble with orgasm at some point. Some women will never have an orgasm but may enjoy sex nonetheless.
Some women find they can orgasm when masturbating but not when they are with their partner. This could be the relationship or not being stimulated sufficiently; it takes twenty minutes for most women to orgasm.
Sexual problems in women are common, especially in older women. Around one-third of young and middle-aged women are affected by sexual problems.
Most women, at some point, have fake orgasms.
If you’re unable to have an orgasm, see a doctor. They can check for any physical reasons that may be causing the problem, which may be treatable.
For example, if problems with your pelvis may be a factor, then doing regular pelvic floor exercises designed to strengthen muscles around your bladder, vagina and back passage may help Kegel exercises.
If the cause is psychological, it may help to see a sex therapist or doctor. A GP can refer you, or you can seek one privately.
My Mantra: “Our bodies have the right to choose to find joy or not!”