“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” Billy Crystal
Returning to the scene of the crime. Heck, you still feel the attraction; you have both gotten over the split. You have both gotten over other breakups. That you know how to do.
How do you extract the good part of the relationship without wanting things to be different?
Put a Few Rules in Place:
Make sure you are both currently single. Having an affair is lame and not worth the compromised self-esteem and willingness to hurt someone else. The worst would be if a lie existed and he had a girlfriend or wife. Know the status before you hop in the sheets.
I think sexual exclusivity is essential, it is not vital, but for your health and exposed energy, I say it is paramount. I would for sure check that box off before allowing the yummy ex into the bed. If you are going to be with him in a new and straightforward way, it is not selfish not to share. Your health and well-being must come first, pun intended.
Understand clearly that why you broke up will not change. Just because you are choosing to romp, the same issues you once had, you still do. Let go of any ideals that sex will win him back, and you two can rekindle an old flame. There is an urban legend reuniting after spending separate lives, finally together for life.
Be real if this is your story or if it is just a temporary need being met.
Talk to him and create an understanding. Make sure you are on the same page to avoid broken hearts. All’s fair in love and war clear the battlegrounds.
Having an ex to play with can be fun and liberating. You know it is temporary, and you are ok with that. You are not sitting by the phone. You can go for days without hearing from him, and it doesn’t matter. Note to self if it has been weeks, he’s chasing or into someone else panties. That is the nature of men, and you will brush it off because you had an understanding. Don’t expect his behavior to change; it won’t. He is not going to marry you or sire your children. He is just a sweet friend that you have formed an honest agreement with. You are familiar well, and that part you know will work.
Have fun, and keep it light. You signed up for the ex-package, which will remove the pressure of wanting things to be different. In the light of that, let yourself go. Get your sexy on. Keep the communication honest, you are in charge now, and that is good.
I understand circling around to an ex. I wrote an entire book about my ex’s in light of searching for a better understanding of myself. No judgments; we are all on this journey of life and love. “A Man for Every Purpose, My Naked Journey Searching for Love.”
My Mantra: “Give yourself permission to reinvent what once was.”