“In some cases, newlyweds want so badly for things to be perfect that they ignore warning signs, both in themselves and each other.” Emily V. Gordon
Red Flag Warnings. I live in Santa Barbara, California, and we get warnings on our smartphones to be aware and be prepared. If only alarm bells would ring on our smartphones when we push away vital signs that could save us from the wrong person.
Well, you may be deep in love or just getting to know them. Something is off. You feel it. Little untruths creep in, and you push them away until you cannot. You want your instincts to lead you however you feel off. You know you can trust your gut, or can you?
Red flags begin to show themselves. Oh, didn’t he tell me the opposite last week? I don’t understand why I haven’t met his friends. She got too drunk and became cruel to me, so I brushed it away. He said he loves his mom now he’s calling her a bitch. He said he loves me but hasn’t called me in days. He wanted to move in with me and share the rent but lost his job. He has a brilliant idea he is pitching, but no one is smart enough to understand. He says one thing, and my friend reports back just the opposite; who do I believe?
Little red flags are presenting themselves.
I had been with a guy who I thought would blend families and marry me. Was I wrong? I was with him for years as he strung me along with many fun days and much love, but ultimately, I forgot what I wanted. I wanted more; I wanted a partnership, and this smooth sailor could not partner with me, no way. That lesson was harsh, but now I am trying to see the inconsistency in words versus actions. Break-up came eventually, but it was long overdue.
Half-truths can eat you alive like a piranha sucking the life out of you. Bit by bit, you hardly notice at first, then you are a mere image of what you used to be. Or the relationship was never really what you thought it was; that is disheartening.
Pulling myself up, I understood I wanted back to the strong and vibrant version, not this torn down, the unsure woman I had become.
When did I realize that I was worthy of the truth? I was deserving of an honest, upright relationship. I don’t want to live in the shadow of someone’s fear of being straight up with me. I prefer to face the hard things rather than skip over what needs to be said.
In order to avoid conflict, people lie it is easier. But that type of easier sits in my gut like I just ate rocks.
I taught my daughter that our word is the only real thing in life. Honor your word, honor yourself, and honor your relationships.
Pay attention to the little inconsistencies. They are saying much more than the fun you are having at dinner. Those inconsistencies are revealing red flags. It is better to break up over red flags than get strung along in what turns out to be lies or broken half promises.
My Mantra: “We do not need our smartphone to tell us something is off. When it’s wrong, pay attention.”
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