LOVE/DATING, HOW DO YOU ANALYZE YOUR RELATIONSHIP HISTORY?

“Don’t date who you hope they will be.” Someone’s Mother

First off, your dating history is yours, it is yours, no one else’s. You chose the guy, accepted some rotten behavior, initiated the break up, and are ready to do better. But how can you do better if you don’t look at yourself?

Blame game is way too easy and it will get you nowhere. You have built a case, as to why you broke up. The case you built weighed considerably on his faults. That is all fine and very typical, but it will not get you out of the choices YOU have made for yourself. If you do not take stock of it all, you will repeat in the next relationship; this is nothing new.

Secondly, do not fantasize, romanticize what is smack dab in front of you. What you see is what you get. Please do not fill in the blanks with dreamy ideas of who he can be. He is who he is.

Initially, it is easy to muster all those gooey feelings into how you imagine your love with him, your head in the clouds; you do not know him yet.

The blinders will eventually come off, but it will take time. How can you save yourself heartache and time, and really look objectively at this new guy? See the red flags and do not ignore even one of them.

Be harsh. This is your life and time; it is not a time to settle. Do not let an insecure voice lead you. You can do better when you know better.

I will admit that repeating the lessons can be your lesson; it was mine, but that is all documented in the book I wrote: raw, funny, confusion, heartache, and ultimately wise.

I did not make the rules, but I sure as hell have lived them. I documented them, wrote about them, and studied them. I am nobody’s fool but my own. Therefore, being the fool I was, and partially will always be, I was entirely desperate. The need to have love by my side outweighed what that actually meant. For me, it was time to learn better, do better, read books, listen to advice, and create better for myself.

If you can embrace what your lessons are and press forward, then you are in the business of taking your relationship to the next level. You will not take repetitive relationship errors as a solution. That behavior will wear you out and age you. No one wants to age like that.

Are you ready to dissect your love history and change how you go about things?

THIS IS ONE WAY….

A male friend of mine told me to write down my relationship history. He said I was the common factor. I needed to link why I allowed the men that I did. Names, timelines, how I differed with each man, oh man! On a notebook with lines, I filled in the blanks. It was glaring and informative. I saw the raw truth of my choices and where I was at emotionally when I decided to hook up with that next guy, albeit brief or long, marriage or partner, dating, or lover. This admittedly went quickly for me. It was all there.
Changing behavior is uncomfortable, like putting on clothes that do not fit. Change something easier to shy away from. However, if you are genuinely motivated, anything is possible. Remember the aging you thing? Let’s stop doing that.

You look better in the right relationship. Support, kindness, safety, and a place where you are seen for who you are, beautiful.

My Mantra: “Heartache can birth valuable lessons.”