THE ENDLESS DATING OF WHAT IF’s?

“When you really don’t like a guy, they’re all over you, and as soon as you act like you like them, they’re no longer interested.” Beyonce Knowles

Wait, but that guy was so dreamy, he just didn’t follow through, but what if he did? I loved his family; we were together for so long, but he still kept me at arm’s length, only if. Then there was the guy who was overenthusiastic, wanting to be with me every minute of the day. Oh, and the not-so-handsome dude was so successful that I wanted to support him, but I forgot my goals along the way. Then the polite gentleman who only wanted to see me twice a week, like a custody agreement. The what-ifs can go in a million directions and make you dizzy from trying on so many men. Let’s be honest, in hope for that one right person, you date on…

He is out there; it is just a numbers game. But what if it’s not a number game? What if it was less about him and more about you?

Oops, wrong, keep moving. But he had potential, I saw something, I loved the way he, blah, blah, blah, until I didn’t. Being caught in a dating cycle that seems to loop. Your personal dating hamster wheel. The faces change, but the same behavior keeps coming up. If you find yourself with a different partner but still have the same issues, it is not them; it is you.

What! No, it is them. Don’t argue with me; you will get further if you understand. You are the common denominator. Whoops, yep.

This is good news if you can sit with the truth of it. You are, in fact, the one who chose all these men. If you embrace your journey, you have the chance to change your trajectory. Connect the dots. What drew you to this person, or the one before? You are the one choosing, so choose to look more closely. Like Dorthy and her ruby slippers, the answer has been there all along. In the past, you may have blamed the obvious jerk you needed to dump. But now you are wondering why you can’t find the nice guy. You think they are all taken, but you are wrong.

If you have met a man and tried to fit into “HIS” world, you are going about love the wrong way. You are identifying with who they are and what they have become, and trying to find your place within that. I have been guilty of such a love crime. Contorting myself in order to place myself on the arm of that guy. It never works, leaving yourself behind, eventually you will have to catch up and look yourself in the mirror.

A real man wants a woman who stands in no shadows, who knows, loves, and respects herself, not willing to compromise those basic facts.

Like finding a treasure, if the hunt is genuine, you can get there. It is a matter of self-love, self-acceptance, knowing who you are and what you genuinely want. Standing strongly in yourself with enough loving energy that you can, if you choose to let someone into your world.

In my personal love journey, I was desperately dumb in my choices and sought advice from a male friend. He said, “You are what all these men have in common. Write them all down on paper and see what comes up. It is not them! It’s you.” Sage wisdom. I followed said friend’s advice, and what arose on paper astounded me. It was simply staring at me in ink. My words, my newfound truth, my handwriting, I could not ignore.

I challenge you to try his method. To look at your dating hamster wheel. To show up to yourself, as yourself, for yourself, honest, raw, real, finger pointer down, pen in hand, go for it. What do you have to lose?

My Mantra: “A Man for Every Purpose, My Naked Journey Searching for Love” feel alone in dating? Read this book.”