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“Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love”. Charles M. Schulz
That is meant to be a loaded question. Hopeless unrequited love is alive and breaking hearts daily. I have been in those ill-fitting shoes. I have wanted loves to work out that was never meant to be. Those loves never loved me back, for whatever reason.
One was still in love with his departed wife. One had an emotional issue that he could only partially love. One had family commitments and could not make room for me. One just didn’t dig me; he liked his women as projects. One did not find me attractive. One, I am guessing, was a bit of a narcissist. He hooked me, then pushed me away. Maybe he saw me like a fish, catch and release program?
I deeply knew I was deserving of love, that was solid. But trying to turn the hearts of the wrong partner proved to be folly every time. I almost got good at chasing after the wrong dream. I thought at the time that they were the right fit for me. Ending up tattered, broken full of self-doubt, endless questions of why. Foregoing the confidence, I once had into pathetic choices. Blubbering through tears that were all based on illusionary love.
Dreadful, however processing my journey of love I learned about myself along the way.
I wonder if I could have understood things better sooner? I wish I had never gone after the wrong love/s because I knew I had a higher value than to prostrate myself trying to win them over. This behavior is a syndrome of trying to get someone to love you that is not capable. Somehow in one’s mind if you win their love it proves you are worthy and deserving of love. This concept is real and unhealthy.
Even after I understood this syndrome, I still found myself back in the same space. For me, it took time, self-reflection, and inevitably writing a book that brought clarity.
Finally, I could forgive myself and let love come to me. Very different than chasing after it. In fact, I became almost elusive hard to get but open for love.
I am not suggesting that you need to write a book about your love history. However, the closer to understanding yourself the closer you will be to having the healthy love you are wanting.
Loving other humans can be tricky, the best starting point, loving yourself.
Unrequited love offers heartbreak. I reached a point in my journey where it was simply not for me. I wanted more I would not accept less.
There are men, partners of all kinds, at all ages. I never again had to compromise I just needed to shift my behavior. I dated a couple of unavailable men; they never got a second date no matter how dreamy they seemed. I had passed the class and the rest came quite naturally.
I am now happily married. I did not think those two words could be joined in the same sentence; now I know they can.
No matter what kind of relationship you are looking for I swear it beats an unrequited one. By definition, relationships should be a partnership.
My Mantra: “Sharing what I have learned to help others”