“First dates are like job interviews with coctails” Carrie Bradshaw Sex and The City
What never to ask. Never ask what car they drive, what they do for work, or how much money they make.
No talking about politics, sex, religion. Not right away. Meeting should be light and fun. Keep it that way. If they turn to uncomfortable subjects, go with your gut every time, pass.
There will always be the slick-tonged devil that has glanced at the same advice column and is ready for whatever you want to hear. I have fallen prey to that guy, uh, dreadfully more than once. Blissfully ignorantly skipping off with Mr. Wrong Guy hand in hand. I believed all his pretty promises. If a guy paints the perfect picture with words right away, I take it all with a grain of salt.
I think the essential questions pale in comparison to observation, but nonetheless.
- Ask them how they feel about their mother?
- What do you do for fun?
- What motivates them?
- What is your favorite place on earth?
- Who most inspired you in your life?
The most important thing is to understand what is important to you? Is it loyalty, someone who is kind when you have the flu, rocks in the bedroom, conversation, compatibility, a person who likes their parents, generous, affectionate, a good citizen, a rebel, provider, laughter?
Surmise your love history; what has tanked, and what did you like?
From that point, keep your eyes open and observe. Many people say they love their mother, but what do you witness firsthand? Does he drive off from her home in a tiff, cursing her name? Take real-life events and make a solid decision. If he has ‘mom issues,’ he may not dig you as the mom to his children. Do not dare think that you can change him. I am not judging if you try; I have chased after folly more than I care to admit.
What you experience is a better guide than the questions blurted out early when all are on their best interview behavior. Actions speak louder than words, simple.
Read more insights into dating the many foils of a love journey in my book www.amanforeverypurpose.com
If you like someone give them a chance, see if they are polite to servers, phone support while driving, how they are to their friends, and how they talk about their ex, their job, or their boss? All clues into the heart and character of a person. As I said earlier, the process stems from what you are looking for.
Life brings us changes; maybe a mate that can ride out differences with a cheerful heart would be suitable? Someone who can pivot and still hold their ground. How about fun, solid, kind, and spoils? Perhaps a person cares about their family because one day they may want to make you a part of their family.
My Mantra: “Finding love through experience has unfolded many truths.”