“There’s nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex.” Billy Joel
Honestly, I had never heard the term “sex-positive” until the most recent “Bachelorette” Katie’s season. Katie showed up last season on the “Bachelor” with a vibrator in hand, which she boldly displayed by placing it on the coffee table the women sat around. The women held judgment on her sexual positive behavior and thought she was kooky. Well, she has the last laugh as ABC chose her as the next saucy Bachelorette. Good for her, I hope her season will elevate all of our sexual positivity. Maybe we will all learn a little something?
As I contemplate what my results would be? Sex-positive, sex-negative oh the conundrum! I am feeling the pressure of it all…
To be positive you need to have a healthy view of sex, your own sexuality, and hold no judgment on others’ sexuality. Check, check, check. As open and honest as I am sure some sexual things make me coil, I am human. After I am done with those feelings, I remain balanced and try not to judge. Unless someone is a predator or hurting someone else, I am ok. No one should tolerate wrongdoings, ever.
We are all different and I truly understand that. It is perfectly ok to be real with what your sexuality is. Sex changes through the years but our preferences by and large remain the same. We are born sexual creatures and we will die sexual creatures that are how we are wired.
When I first developed my website and named it “Sex-Love-Mantra”, I came into resistance from my team. They would have preferred just my name but I saw a different vision and stuck to it. To me, it is the balance of us as humans and in the world of love and dating essential.
The book I wrote, “A Man for Every Purpose, My Naked Journey Searching for Love”. A little bit like the show “The Bachelorette” but taking place over decades rather than a season of several weeks accelerated to an engagement. The book has sex in it but it is very human and cheeky not half as saucy. Yes, there are fantasy suite scenes but you have to read the book to know more. It is a reflection of dating in the modern world where at a certain point sex will be a part of the ongoing investigation into one’s exciting new potential. Like the fantasy suites, but nothing like the fantasy suites.
To know how you would test, positive or negative, check-in with yourself. Note what you may be uncomfortable with. Understand what makes you hum and be real with yourself and your partner. The beauty lies within our truth our love our acceptance. Never try to be something you are not. Never be coerced or pressured into doing something that makes you uncomfortable. There is a reason the “safe word” was invented. You should always feel safe.
Read “A Man for Every Purpose, My Naked Journey Searching for Love” watch Katie’s season of the Bachelorette. If we pay attention there may be some lessons in love and sex.
My Mantra: “It is good and safe to know your sexuality”