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“If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?” Bette Midler

Fifty Shades of Grey, the book, the movie, brought people to experiment with their lovers. As if we needed suggestions? I can not comment on the book or movies. Many moons ago, I went to buy the book. I heard all the “buzz”, and I ordered online a great book call “Fifty Shades” blonde moment, great book. Looking for the sex scenes in a book with a similar title, very funny.

Within a long-standing trusted monogamy how does one keep things humming along, desirous, and outside of routine?  Does one have to go outside their comfort zone to keep the bubbles in the soda? Bada- Bing, Bada-Bang…

Monogamy may foster familiarity. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing, it is just a thing. Familiarity can make one become more comfortable with themselves and their partner. Freeing up head space to be present.

There are many ways to express oneself in the bedroom/dungeon. Nothing in sex has really changed. Perhaps with the Me-Too movement and LGBTQ movement gender/sexual equality has emancipated. But love is love, and sex is sex. The time- honored expression that is within mutual consensual adults.

Historically speaking all forms of sexual preference/difference have been a part of the menu. Perhaps years ago, differences were kept deeper in the closet/chamber?  Low an behold no one can claim invention of sexual thrill of trying something new.

Therefore, how can one improve on what is basic and natural? Do we have to pull out gag balls and feathers? Not necessarily.

I was asked from a man in a new relationship an interesting question.  His lover wanted him to choke her out and he was not comfortable with that. My advice was talk to her about it. Ask her what other things she will want in their sexual relationship. Foremost do what you are comfortable with.

Being honest, in the moment, raw and vulnerable may just be the sexiest thing you can add to sex. A mind, body, soul connection can bring you into the present and float you into another universe.

How about sex without orgasm? Some would say, why bother? There is much more to sex then the grand finale. Try to be intimate without an orgasm. If done properly giving and receiving this can be deliciously sexy.

Whatever is your jam, whatever is your truth, know it embrace it, communicate with you partner. I think the comfort zone may be the best place to be you or delve into more excitement, power in self, comfort in self-expression. Frisky in the familiar.

There is attuned authority in sexual honesty.

When relationships can improve with time and seasons, you are doing something right. Love, sex, intimacy is an evolving journey with ourselves and our partner.

My Mantra: “Honesty with oneself can be scared sexuality”