“In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.” Robert Anderson
Marriage can be a battle between self versus us.
Like all of life, marriage ebbs and flows. Meeting a person you want to be married to for many reasons may factor in. Such as timing, age, security, having a family, love, religion, tradition, society. Or maybe as simple as a desire to settle down to forego the dating game.
I have been married three times and divorced twice. Yes, I’ve learned many lessons along the way. At different points in my life, marriage represented other purposes to me.
I have heard many people tell me that in their long-term marriage, they would never remarry. I understand hard times will show up; it is inevitable.
What I know for sure. Marry someone you like.
Five things to look at.
- Reflection of your past or your childhood. Marriage will represent a mirror. This image may lead you in an uncomfortable direction. Breaking away from what we know your “story” can free you. Trigger points will come up. Knowing what they are and seeing them is the first step. Not reacting to them is a giant step.
- Know your love language and the language of your partner. It is essential to know what makes you feel loved. Is it quality time, physical affection, receiving gifts, affirmation, acts of service? Know what these are and how to best respond, and love your partner.
- You are building a case. You can make a case for divorce or marriage. You can create a case against your partner if you glare at their faults. I get it. The other person can be a jerk, as you can as well. It takes two to crumble or two to build. If you are in an unsustainable marriage, it may be time to take the easy way out; I said easy because making it work may be more challenging. It is never easy to get a divorce but divorcing without blame adds grace, and respect can be good. Going separate directions can be what is best for you both.
- If you are willing to try and there is good reason to do so, go full into efforts. Listen to your partner as to why you are at this juncture. Set up boundaries and rules around unacceptable behavior. Please do not repeat the mistakes you have made; learn from them. Love comes with conditions.
- The most important thing is to love yourself Forgive yourself, be worthy of change, great love, a person who can lift you and inspire you. The call to action is self-love. When you know what that is, you can love your partner in a big way.
Read my book, a cheeky wise tale of a woman searching for love and looking at her history with men and learning as she goes—an ultimately bright touch of humor look at dating in the modern world.
My Mantra: “Lessons in love and relationships are for you to grow”