Currently I’m not a crazy ex-girlfriend, but I can’t promise I won’t be one again.
When I love, I go big, I go hard. My heart cracks open like an egg on a sunny Sunday sidewalk, and I become vulnerable. That is when love happens for me. So if things fall apart, and for me they have several times. Where does the love go for that man that was in my heart? I can look back on good vs. bad, battling my perspective and memories. Yet the bad become shadows and what is left is the sweetness we shared.
I have had my share of loves in my heart. The very part of myself I opened up just for them. Love never goes away, it is a part of whom I am. It’s a circle around the tree. The loves of mine become an imprint. Helping me to take a closer look at myself.
I have the tendency to hang onto ex’s like a seal on a bobbing metal buoy. I don’t want to lose anyone from my life. Maybe I have abandonment issues? Maybe I have an overly sweet ideals on friends, or the possibility there of? I’m not sure what my deal is, but I do know I have a handful of ex’s I have kept in my life.
I must wonder if having a heart full of ex’s minimizes my chances of finding the “one”? A partner that I can share my life with and he can share his life with me. Do I need to be free completely of my past in order to create a future? If the dating shoe was on the other foot, I may not like ex-girlfriends dwelling on the outskirts of my new man’s life. I am not sure. It seems I would rather hold on, and carry on, than carry a grudge.
Writing “A Man For Every Purpose” seemed to be a bit of therapy spilling out the words of my past loves and the men I have known.
Even at that it is still a dilemma a quandary that lingers. I’m a seeker and continue to learn about myself. Maybe when that “one” man enters the picture and my heart, the imprints of my past will fade? That seems like an organic possibility, I am not certain but I am willing to find out.
“Loves are wonderful to be in my life. Even loves of my past”
“My heart is big enough to allow a new love in”
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