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“I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it.” Lewis Carroll
Walking down a sidewalk in Santa Barbara filled with quaint shops, cafes, restaurants, you get the postcard picture. When out pops a friend of mine right behind her was Shopgirl. She introduced us and yammered on about the book I wrote, “A Man for Every Purpose, My Naked Journey Searching for Love”. Shopgirl giggled at the title, she confessed that she could use a read like that right now.
She very quickly told me she wanted to break up, but her boyfriend charms her back in. Then a deep sadness of knowing she is in the wrong relationship comes over her.
Her beauty was evident as her truth spilled from her lips. She was nearing thirty-nine. Her boyfriend was younger and wanted different things in life. She was ready for a family. She said her biological clock was a-clanging.
I asked her if she could imagine her boyfriend in two years with another girl married and expecting a child? I continued, “To release him fully you need to surround him with the best possible outcome for both of you.” To visualize him happy without her. She started to get the gist.
“But how do I break up with him? I want to but am really bad at it”
I told her that part was as easy as it was hard. “Tell him you don’t feel good about yourself when your together. I said there is no argument in that. It is how you feel.” She started taking notes. Then I said, “Ask him to give you two months of no communication, zero. By that time, you can start new habits and when you see him next you will not fall into his vortex of deluded charm.”
I did not tell her I’d been in a situation very much the same with Mr. Charmer, egad, took me a good bit to get over that one.
She said her dream is to meet a divorced man with small children and to have one more. She can visualize being a loving step-mom. I told her to look for a man that talks kindly about his ex, and is patient with his kids. Nice wins, a man who shows good support in more ways than one.
She needed to get off the playground with Charmer and find her true mate.
“Move on past Charmer. Release him with love. Visualize a kind loving man that wants a family. Go to family friendly restaurants. You can only compromise in a relationship if you allow it. We get the love we know we deserve.” Advice for a sweet new friend.
I once knew a woman that wanted a family earnestly, she bought a minivan. Her intentions worked as she now has the family, she had visualized that would fill her car.
I will follow through with Shopgirl and let you know how her love conundrum is going. Fingers crossed she can be a brave love warrior.
My Mantra: “Love journeys are different for everyone”