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Game on, relationship is in full throttle. Yet I’ve been here before and it didn’t quit work out, for the long haul anyway. Is it wrong to formulate a back up plan? Plan “B” just in case. Does that show a lack of faith? Projecting ultimate failure, dooming myself and my love into “temporary-relationship” status? Lastly am I the only one who contemplates such matters?
A girlfriend of mine married very well. In the financial and social sense of the word her hubby makes bank. She is wife number four and he is her second marriage, third serious love. This spitfire kick-ass girl refuses to give up her two hundred thousand dollar job to sit ideal, or worse yet flea market shop all day. She hangs onto the freedom that her own income offers her and stands strong as a partner with her man. She also quietly tells me she could leave him at the drop of a hat, if she needed to. She is the queen who married the frog and is blissfully happy. She believes true love is within everyone’s reach, she is a real romantic. I forever frustrate my friend with my lack of finding that “true love” so far… She has not given up on me, nor have I.
So what is my back up plan if Prince Charming or King Frog never shows up? Do I adopt a rescue cat and find an apartment within blocks of the beach? Do I move to the mountains and teach yoga? Do I get a dog, internet date, or settle? Maybe if I find happiness and joy inside myself and inside each day I will have figured out something? Maybe my back up plan can be void of a plan and I can find security within the moment. The power of being in my own now, fully present.
Most of that goes against how I roll, I prefer to have some sense of control. People see me as a freewheeling spirit but the truth of the matter is I’m a planner, a bit of an “A” type personality. I find peace when I know the path, deep down I find security in the “knowing”. Perhaps releasing these preconceived ideas of a safety net and allowing myself to love “all in” would be the most honest to my heart. No back up plan, go big, and don’t look down for a safety net. Trust in the love that loves me and love back. Maybe most of all find love within myself. I am the one I go to bed and wake up with. I am everywhere I turn around, so if love can permeate from me… I can affect others and walk without a back up plan.
My Mantra: “Love will come, I am safe without a plan” “I can have faith in love”