IT’S JUST A LITTLE TOO LATE… FINDING YOUR VOICE

“If you have the feeling that something is wrong, don’t be afraid to speak up.” Fred Korematsu

Couples can go on for days, weeks, months, and years allowing build- up of unresolved issues and never talked about feelings. These relationships can end in a drizzle. Or a shock to the other partner that thought everything was dandy.

When unmet needs or frustrations continue without a sound it can be fatal to a relationship. I have seen it over and over. It always seems shocking, like a car crash, no one saw this coming. They seemed so good together, but were they? Sometimes when it’s too late it just is. Too much build up to try to fix it? I am not sure, each relationship is individual and between those two people.

I know a couple that are married. She reached a point of no return, or so it seemed, and moved out. She went onto date other men and then she realized that may not be for her. Her husband and her see each other and socialize much like they did, when they lived together as a married couple. Now they live in separate homes. This seems confusing for those around them, but it’s not their business, it is the separated couples. They love each other with separateness and togetherness. Did they fall victim of letting things go unchecked? From the outside that would seem plausible. Did they go years and not talk about the tough stuff? I cannot answer that. Every marriage is different, this is theirs.

I have dated, hell I’ve loved guys that I just did not have the ability to voice my concerns, fears, and pain along the way. Stuffing in what I should have been working through I simple found an exit. Not resolving what did not work for me in the relationship. That not only is sad, it left my ex-love mate in a heartbroken quandary. He could not learn the lessons I may have been able to help him with. I took the cowardice approach, I noticed myself repeating this bad behavior through many loves, awful.

I have found my voice! Honestly it took me years. Many relationships and much heartache. My voice is strong, well it’s a voice, strong may be an overstatement. Sometimes I snap too quickly and in a weird way I am proud. No longer will I allow build up and my fears to keep me from a full loving relationship. I will one day find balance in my communication. I will learn to take a moment and measure if I should express my concerns. I can teach this to others very easily, and through those I help, I am also helping myself.

Being strong and happy with who I am is foremost. The rest, being able to sustain healthy full love is filled with much gratitude and not to be taken for granted.

My Mantra: “It is safe to voice my concerns and disappointments”