Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
If you’re in the dating world like I am, there comes a time when the naked date will arrive. You can count on it. Some men consider the romancing a necessary means to the end they desire. Trying each other on for a proper fit. I am far passed any rules that determine the amount of courtship I require. I am beyond judging myself if I fall into a set of sheets that are not quite right for me. I know me. I am on a mountain top looking down at years of experience. My choices, my mishaps. I almost never rushed into the naked moment too soon. For me connecting with someone through sex involves the heart, and energies. I always attach. I have to make sure this is a man I want to attach to.
I had met him two weeks prior. We had a couple of lovely dates. We hiked the hills of Rancho Santa Fe with his seven dogs. We held hands, and dined together. All the sweet stuff that goes along with getting to know one another in a romantic way. Then the text, the dreaded text. He said he did not feel a relationship connection with me. I was crushed. I thanked him and told him I was happy with him being upfront about matters. The next morning I thanked him again and wished him well. It was at that point he suggested we become lovers. I was stunned. Didn’t he say that he didn’t see us as relationship material. What does this mean?
I suggested we meet to talk about it. It was that night we had our first kiss and our first naked date. This set up was chalked full of compromise. I clearly didn’t have the love for myself or the patience to wait for the complete package. I found his offer irresistible. It included weekends together and travel. Part of me thought my magical vagina had the power to make him my boyfriend. Of course I did. I settled for the lover package.
I thought I was a big girl about this, I mean we had our set of rules. However when I get naked everything changes for me. Just a girl looking for the whole deal, yet here I am with much less.
When he ended it, and he did. It was because he met a girl he wanted the whole deal with. This left me alone holding my heart and needing to heal. He was always upfront with me. We had great affection and friendship. In spite of myself, my feelings went deeper and I was crushed. No ones fault but my own. My lesson turned out to be think twice before I settle for less than what I want, naked or not. The naked school of hard knocks. I have completed that course.
“I deserve to be loved wholley. The complete package”. “I am relationship material, worthy of love”.