SELF SURVEY: ARE YOU MESSING UP THE RELATIONSHIP YOU WANT? 5 IDEAS TO LOOK AT…

“I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.” Wendy Liebman

We can trip ourselves up without even knowing it. We may have set agreements based upon past relationships that have nothing to do with the guy sitting in front of us. “I had the perfect marriage.” “All guys are controlling.” “All guys are jerks.” “Men want a young, skinny girlfriend.”

Do away with your false beliefs, or you will get just what you think you will.

Communication is important even from the get-go. Be solid in who you are to stand your ground, speak your truth, and know yourself. Life is too short for BS. There is nothing to hide behind. The more vulnerable you can be, the gutsier you are willing to be will help you to be the right person to find the right person.

1 )Seek out your history and break from ideals of how good, perfect, hard, or easy the relationship should be. Every connection is different. Don’t get stuck in your own past beliefs.

You can find a great match at any age in any town. If you think otherwise, you are trapped in the wrong thought pattern. A friend of mine is sexy, fun, self-made, and a bit older. She thinks that men her age want someone twenty years younger. I’m afraid I have to disagree, a smart guy who wants to travel, play with grandkids, and enjoy what is in front of him without going backward with a new or younger family.

2) Look for the person who sees the fun and beauty you can bring. Do not waste time at any age in the schoolyard. Real relationships are not rescuing grown babies.

What if your background is very different from your potential partner’s? The way you were raised, where you came from, and your past relationships can show themselves into your current self with your partner.

3) If you are hoping to plan a family, make sure you are on the same page. Communication is vital in every relationship. If your pasts are very different, check in to see what the details of life and family will look like.

Are you judging your potential date too quickly? I have been guilty of this in spades. In fact, I did not like my husband’s first date and weeks after that even. It was not until we became friends that I understood how right and easy we are. Give the good guy a second chance. I share in my book “A Man for Every Purpose, My Naked Journey Searching for Love”.

4) Open yourself up in a way that your snap judgment can take a back seat. There are many factors in a solid connection: friendship, communication, laughter, commonalities. Take your time before you decide. If you are doing a great job at getting to know someone, you can switch a potential love to a great friend with no hurt feelings.

Communication is important even from the get-go. Be solid in who you are to stand your ground, speak your truth, and know yourself. Life is too short for BS. Rid yourself from hiding; you are safe. The more vulnerable you can be, the braver you will find the right person with an honest heart to match.

5) The ultimate goal is an awesome solid evolving relationship to reach that knowing your truth and being brave about it is vital.

Love is out there. Every age, everywhere. Do not sell yourself short. Know your history, who you are, and what is important to you. Know that your love list and the ‘love of your life’ may be completely different. Don’t take yourself too seriously while you have fun getting to know new people.

If you mess up, laugh at yourself, learn and push forward. Love is a great big life class.

My Mantra: “Knowing how to love is beauty on all edges.”