“Crazy people don’t sit around wondering if they’re nuts.” Jake Gyllenhaal
Very uncomfortable seeing him fall in love with a nut job. He tells me the sex is insane. I’m thinking, well yeah, so is your babe. He is caught up in the idea of it all. I am worried he’s a tot wandering through a forest unknown, getting lost in crazy sex he can’t see the forest through the trees. Or the nutjob he decided to hitch his wagon to.
I wish I hadn’t studied psychology so hard; I wish my siblings were not all diagnosable. I sat in silence across from my friend, having coffee. I know the answer to my question. I needed to be silent.
I can hear him out, support him as a friend, validate him as a great catch, but I mustn’t tell him she’s bonkers. I knew I would only speak up if I truly thought he was in danger; the scariest thing right now was his delusional thoughts about her.
He needs to find out for himself. No good would come of telling him my skilled perspective. He didn’t ask; I must sit in silence.
In friendships, there are opportunities to share your take. Words must be tight, considerate, and positive. No one has the right to judge someone else’s journey through life. However, we can help one another with loving insights and brilliant ah, ha moments. If we have learned, we can share.
I make a bet in my head how long this new gal will last with my friend. It is crass, but my thoughts are going to stay with me. I have dated questionable men in the past, no doubt. I compromised in ways I shouldn’t have to keep the relationship going. I’ve had lessons along the way, haven’t we all? Reminding myself, maybe this is just lesson time for him?
Meanwhile, he tells me she wants him to do all these interesting, slightly terrifying things in bed. Just one example was, she wanted to be choked out at the moment of orgasm by him putting his hands around her neck. It seems to me at that point; he’s already pretty busy. I mean, really, how many things can a man do at a time? “I would like my left ear pulled in an upward direction…at exactly the same moment as….” Maybe I am too normal? Whatever that means.
Sexual preferences I do not judge, but I would run from that one with a speedy and friendly goodbye. We all have our comfort levels; I understand that.
With his girl, the red flags were her perspective on life, love, past relationships, all very skewed. I knew I was asking her the right questions when we met, but I think my friend’s ears were blocked with love wax.
Sometimes we need to allow our loved ones to go through what they have chosen. It is not my job to fix my friends. The best I can do is be loving support.
I am grateful for the loved ones who were beside me through some of my wacky choices. They did not hold condemnation towards me when they saw what I couldn’t. They listened through tears as the obvious end came; I was blessed.
If you see a friend or loved one in real trouble, yes, speak up. Too many people get hurt in silence. The Me-too movement has given a powerful voice to many. Help those who truly need it; there is help for those in danger. Let’s support an abuse-free world. However, we can, whatever that means for us, or a victim.
Learn more about my journey in my book. www.amanforeverypurpose.com.
My Mantra: “Lessons along our love journey can be chalked full of truths.”