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Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go it’s pretty damn good.

Woody Allen

Meg Ryan sits across from Billy Crystal in the movie “ When Harry Met Sally.”  They are at a New York restaurant, as she sets down her sandwich and she publicly proves her point to Harry “faking” her sexual satisfaction. Harry claiming that no woman had ever faked with him. The gleam in her eyes as she bites into her lunch and her friend sits slack jawed at her display, Harry questioning his naive belief about his sexual past. Do women really do this? Yes, uh huh, we do!!!!!!

From what I can gather, in very broad terms, people fake orgasms. I can think of a couple reasons why. One: self sacrifice and send a message to their lover of success. “Yes, yes, yes, oh you got the job done!” Like a new Mother encouraging her toddler taking his first steps, “Good job baby!” Another reason: some may just be ready to go onto the next thing be it laundry or sleep. An orgasm might insure that the end is near. This is all very human of us and I have heard that men can and do fake orgasms as well. This is a strange concept, but under the right circumstance, I can understand that as well.

Personally I feel lovemaking is so much more than orgasm. It is kindness, touch, connection, passion, and mutual respect. Basic research, and basic autonomy indicate for the most part women take longer to reach orgasm then men. All people are individual but a solid ten minutes, or longer, focused on the fairer sex is required.

Perhaps if the attention can shift to the connection, the moment and the scared happening that can occur when having a sexual encounter and remove the goal oriented orgasm would serve for a freer experience? Getting lost in touch and the moment… sex with orgasm, yippee, sex without orgasm, yummy.

It is in the journey not the goal, in very board terms. Orgasms are great, wonderful, healthy, bada-bing bada-bang. Sex without orgasm can also be great. Sex faking an orgasm, no judgment no self-judgments. Getting to know my lover and myself had served me best in the past. Weather the big blast comes or not it is all okay. Self-love and understanding that’s where the light is, even if it’s just candle light.

My Mantra: “Being real with myself and my sexuality is the best”