“A true heiress is never mean to anyone – except a girl who steals your boyfriend.” Paris Hilton

There are no absolutes in finding and nailing down the right partner. However, there are guidelines that can pull in or push away a good match.

Too much too soon. I’ve known guys on the first date promise me the moon, trips to Europe, over the top suggestions. The second date with over-the-top dude never took place. If on the first date you are naming your future children and picking your wedding date, staring longingly into your Pinterest wedding account, chances are you have scared off a normal dude.

 Getting to know a new person is best; fun, full of ideas, conversation, and a dash of flirting. Simple but the basics hold true.

I believe that most men have a natural drive to hunt. Therefore, the slightly out of reach girl may be more appealing. However, on the other side of that, I made myself available to guys I really liked. I did keep busy and would not cancel other plans, no way.

Even though you may run from too eager dude, give most guys a second or third date. The first date may be wracked with honest nerves, intercepting your impression. Your gut instant is always the best but a second or third date may revel if you want to continue with that guy or not. Dating can be global and that can be overwhelming. Trying to be present with yourself and the man you decided to meet that will best serve you both.

Complaints about your ex, or his ex should not factor into the beginning part of love. If my new date would berate his ex, I knew that I did not want to stand in that line! Becoming the next Ms. Awful, pass.

Clingy needy is not a good look on anyone. Unless you want to sign up for codependent future consoling. No babies on board, whiners step aside, if you want a strong partnership, be a strong partner.

Let him reach out to you. Do not come up with legitimate reasons to contact him. I love a man with a plan, unless you want to be the mom or the director, let him come to you. The aforementioned chase thing factors in. My friend’s uncle used to say, if he’s not chasing your panties he’s chasing someone else’s. Let him go if he does not come after you. Be the cool chick, if he really likes you he will chase you down.

If you’re looking for insane chemistry you may be looking for the wrong qualities. Yes, having a rocking lover is not understated. That over the top connection is indeed wonderful for a season. However, having a lifelong partner requires more. I mean there are twenty-four hours in a day. You cannot be naked all day every day.

Look at the bigger picture and know that with someone who is great you can build chemistry. That’s a scientific fact. Don’t’ ditch a guy over a bad kiss, keep kissing and see if practice breads improvement.

Remember, in finding the perfect partner the important things are character qualities, conversation, conflict resolution, and being able to change. Everyone faces changes and problems. Love and matching up is not a matter that you both like bowling and chocolate doughnuts. Matching up is a matter of deep conversation, humor, and how you face problems.

Finally, don’t hit the sheets unless you feel he has real potential. The moment you sleep together changes everything. You bond chemically and his need for the chase settles way down. You may shift into wanting the next love fix so before you become that girl know who you are bedding down with.

Don’t be afraid to fail. To love and lose may not be the greatest loss if lessons were learned. One step closer to loving better.

If you can learn from some of the stupid mistakes I have made by reading my book, all the more power to you! We can learn from others!

My Mantra: “Nothing surprises me when it comes to finding love”

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Katie L Lindley

Although I would like to say I am organized, focused and cookie-cutter, that simply would not be me. I am no different than any other woman in the world. I love to love, love hard, and, in the end, have learned to love myself above all else. So here I am, writing about the many men and the multiple purposes they have served in my life. Realizing that not one man on my roster had fulfilled every single one of my needs. Perhaps one man is not supposed to? I have compiled snippets of the men that have entered my world. In the end, they have shoved me towards my bathroom mirror, forcing me to take a better look at myself. Reflection is brilliant and the strongest guidepost into ourselves.

Working on the next book in the series “A House for Every Purpose, My Journey From Pillow to Pillow” revels a woman abandoning her home in search or her identity beyond men, motherhood, author.

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