“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” Marilyn Monroe
Are you looking for a perfect relationship with the perfect soul-mate happily ever after? Including, but is not limited to, white-picket rose lined fence, two dogs, two bright eyed children and dream jobs that balance the check book every month! A loving babysitter that lives four houses down and your next door neighbor that brings you soup when you are sick. Yet, you are never sick, because you live in ‘Perfect Town’ where illness does not exist. Wonderful picnic outings, and a life that should be followed by the romance movie channel. Skipping along on tree lined sunny sidewalks, in Molono Balhniks that, you’ve guessed it, grow on trees! You have a wonderful life with a wonderful mate! Life is perfect.
Stop, no really stop. That is not close to what relationships are and or marriage is supposed to look like! I would like to either apologize about the movie industry that has lied to us, or break the bubble. POP! We all know it is just the image of what they want us to see, what we flock to the theaters to watch. Maybe we watch that because we understand that life does not imitate art to that degree. We are smart sophisticated people and we know that nothing that perfect exists. Nor should it.
In real relationships we can grow. We can learn how to be better people. We can stretch our hearts to the capacity that we did not understand. We can have moments where we wholeheartedly put the others well-being in front of our own. On the other side, just as important, we can feel deep disappointment in ourselves and our mate. We may go through divorce only to learn more about ourselves and find love again. We can date to the ends of the earth until we chose to settle down. Life can be as sweet as it can be. We can be in a wonderful marriage that lasts a lifetime. Even inside that marriage it is not meant to be flawless.
Before you get discouraged that relationships will be far less than perfect I will tell you why they can be spectacular.
In relationships we can learn to love, to love ourselves and to love others. Kind communication is a language worth mastering. We can experience physical, emotional and spiritual intimacy. We can find true harmony with the right partner and that is bliss. We can learn to sympathize with our partner’s pain and respond with tenderness. When we are in pain, we can communicate that and let our partner know we are doing the best we can but are hurting on some level. That conversation should be met with love, patience and understanding of what it takes for the other to heal.
Even if the pain has come from your partner you need to own and properly express your feelings, and how your culpable. We can turn a blind eye in a heated moment where our fault lies. We need to learn how to maneuver through some hard realities knowing that you have a partner to consider. Relationships that last, go through growing pains. Your loved one may grow at a different rate. Learning how to nourish yourself and your lover with an expanding heart. Counseling is not for a failed relationship it may be a tool to encourage you in your journey together. Think of it as taking your car in for maintenance, doesn’t mean you sell your car, right? Tune ups are necessary.
If you’re lucky enough to have found your partner be grateful. It is within imperfection that beauty lies.
My Mantra: “I am blessed to have greater relationship understanding, and know there is always more to learn”
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