HOW CAN YOU TELL IF HE’S A PLAYER? OR A F*BOY?

“Character is doing the right thing when nobody’s looking. There are too many people who think that the only thing that’s right is to get by, and the only thing that’s wrong is to get caught.” J. C. Watts

It is so damn easy to fall for this guy. He is smooth, attentive, and knows his way around women. This guy is smart, and he knows how to land you in his sheets. These dudes come in all packages: cute, not-so-cute, rich, not-so-rich, young or old; they all have one thing in common: they know how to play women and get what they want. Sadly, led by one thing: their “little head.”

I understand that men, upon occasion, can exhibit this behavior, but it is not who they are; when that f-boy kicks in, it is not so pretty for us gals. Then there are men for whom this behavior is ingrained in their being.

I have dated “this guy” more than once. I fell hard for this guy more than once. It took a couple of heartbreaks, and honestly, sex that was more about them, for me to recognize the signs and never return to the player. I was done being played. You can read about my journey in my book “A Man for Every Purpose, My Naked Journey Searching for Love.”

Signs he is a player, or F*boy, same guy different name.

You already know his initial charm is intense. He may do one of two things. The first type of player continues to love bomb you until he has had his way with you on a misleading path. He is full of empty promises.

The second form of this guy is to pull you in, then distance himself for days on end in a confusing dance. This guy may text you first thing in the morning after days of no contact with a “hey baby”; what the hell? If that feels like breadcrumbing, it should because these guys know how to breadcrumb.

He keeps you a secret from his friend group and family. This should be glaring, but I have looked away on this one, hoping I would win my spot inside his circle. How foolish was I? Again, game players are strategic; you are where he wants you.

The next red flag should be an undefined relationship status. No labels, wanting to go with the flow, see where things might go. If you want a commitment with the guy you’re sleeping with, run from this one; you are wasting your time.

The love bombing version of this guy is full of dreams and hopeful one-days, but nothing really takes off. It is a hat trick, and you start to get tired of this circus show. When it looks so lovely one moment, then bam, it’s gone like the rabbit in the hat.

This player keeps part of his life hidden. This should alarm you. If you have been caught up in the possibility of love with this man, you are not alone.

Solution: When dating and starting to fool around with a guy you like and think has potential, only allow it to go so far. Heavy petting phase. Stop him with grace, class, feminine energy, and tell him, “I do not sleep with guys who are not my boyfriend.”

It is as simple as that. Choose who you sleep with and have standards for yourself that eliminate the Player.

My Mantra: “Love’s journey has many lessons; love yourself first, the rest will follow”