THE MESSY MISTRESS…SHOULD I TELL MY FRIEND HER BOYFRIEND WILL NEVER LEAVE HIS WIFE?

“No lover, if he be of good faith, and sincere, will deny he would prefer to see his mistress dead than unfaithful.” Marquis de Sade

Missy the Messy Mistress. She drones on how her boyfriend is going to leave his wife. I sit in silence wondering if she believes her own drivel? They have been a thing behind closed doors for over two years.

I consider if she likes her set up just as it was? No dirty clothes to launder, no man to cook for or pick up after, no drama with his children. Maybe she’s more clever than I gave her credit?

Then again, she says they are going to go away on a trip to Paris. That had been rumored for quite some time. If she sat in the reality of her choices, I think I would feel more comfortable.

I had to consider why her set-up made me feel awkward?  Was it because I was a wife? Or that I was cheated on by a different husband? Did I at one point carry the scarlet letter of shame of an affair I once had?

Last weekend I saw her boyfriend out with his wife, they seemed chummy. Sharing a bottle of red wine, oh yes, they were laughing. My husband and I stopped by their table to chitchat for a moment. Is the wife really the last to know? I needed to stay out of what they all have going on. None of my beeswax, however…

Missy sits alone on all holidays, birthdays, and more. She seems to love him and readily accepts his unhappy marriage as an excuse to be with him. They are discrete, never go out, always stay in. They once drove two hours to have a remote lunch in the foothills of the mountains. She further drones on of the woes of her affair.

My voice softened as I said, “Do you really think he is going to leave his wife? I mean honestly in your heart of hearts.” I said it from my center and meant it.

She waited a moment to allow my sincerity to sink in. “I did in the beginning, it seemed to be heading that way. They would fight a great deal. He’d tell me everything.” She became more real in her confession. “But now they are in couples counseling and they are going to Italy for two weeks with their kids. Oh, and she has taken up Pilates!” I waited for the Pilates comment to settle in before I asked,  “Well, what does your gut instinct tell you?”

“I battle with the whole thing often. It was great fun when we started seeing each other, forbidden like we were in a love bubble. He was so sweet to me. But I am growing tired of being a side-dish.” I am sure I will break up with him one day. He will hurt but has the comfort of his wife I suppose”. She sounded a wee bit bitter. However…

There she said it! I was proud of her for knowing what the reality was. I knew her confused love for him was real, but she was gaining her self-dignity and with that, she will know what to do.

Missy has put herself in a mess and I knew it would not end tomorrow. I also knew she would find her way out leaving all bitterness behind. She chose an affair. She chose to carry on with a married man. When she can reconcile with her choices, she can be free. We all make dumb choices sometimes. No one is exempt. It just what we do when we wake up, how will we change?

I understand all too well the humanity of an affair. No judgment, no shame, I just offered support and an ear for venting. Read about my love journey “A Man For Every Purpose, My Naked Journey Searching for Love”.

I will always be grateful for a bold friend that once said to me “Do not be a broken record”. I took it to heart and sought consoling to change my ongoing complaints. My personal shift was waiting for me and I was happy to see an improvement. I would forever sing a different tune and not let my issues become a “broken record”.

My Mantra: “Relationships journeys are uniqe for us all. Learn from others, learn from your own journey”