Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go it’s pretty damn good.

Woody Allen

Meg Ryan sits across from Billy Crystal in the movie “ When Harry Met Sally.”  They are at a New York restaurant, as she sets down her sandwich and she publicly proves her point to Harry “faking” her sexual satisfaction. Harry claiming that no woman had ever faked with him. The gleam in her eyes as she bites into her lunch and her friend sits slack jawed at her display, Harry questioning his naive belief about his sexual past. Do women really do this? Yes, uh huh, we do!!!!!!

From what I can gather, in very broad terms, people fake orgasms. I can think of a couple reasons why. One: self sacrifice and send a message to their lover of success. “Yes, yes, yes, oh you got the job done!” Like a new Mother encouraging her toddler taking his first steps, “Good job baby!” Another reason: some may just be ready to go onto the next thing be it laundry or sleep. An orgasm might insure that the end is near. This is all very human of us and I have heard that men can and do fake orgasms as well. This is a strange concept, but under the right circumstance, I can understand that as well.

Personally I feel lovemaking is so much more than orgasm. It is kindness, touch, connection, passion, and mutual respect. Basic research, and basic autonomy indicate for the most part women take longer to reach orgasm then men. All people are individual but a solid ten minutes, or longer, focused on the fairer sex is required.

Perhaps if the attention can shift to the connection, the moment and the scared happening that can occur when having a sexual encounter and remove the goal oriented orgasm would serve for a freer experience? Getting lost in touch and the moment… sex with orgasm, yippee, sex without orgasm, yummy.

It is in the journey not the goal, in very board terms. Orgasms are great, wonderful, healthy, bada-bing bada-bang. Sex without orgasm can also be great. Sex faking an orgasm, no judgment no self-judgments. Getting to know my lover and myself had served me best in the past. Weather the big blast comes or not it is all okay. Self-love and understanding that’s where the light is, even if it’s just candle light.

My Mantra: “Being real with myself and my sexuality is the best”



Share This Story, Choose Your Platform!

Katie L Lindley

Although I would like to say I am organized, focused and cookie-cutter, that simply would not be me. I am no different than any other woman in the world. I love to love, love hard, and, in the end, have learned to love myself above all else. So here I am, writing about the many men and the multiple purposes they have served in my life. Realizing that not one man on my roster had fulfilled every single one of my needs. Perhaps one man is not supposed to? I have compiled snippets of the men that have entered my world. In the end, they have shoved me towards my bathroom mirror, forcing me to take a better look at myself. Reflection is brilliant and the strongest guidepost into ourselves.

Working on the next book in the series “A House for Every Purpose, My Journey From Pillow to Pillow” revels a woman abandoning her home in search or her identity beyond men, motherhood, author.

Join Sex•Love•Mantra Newsletter!

Monthly Dating Stories and Advice

Thank you for your continued love and support