“The first time you marry for love, the second for money, and the third for companionship.” Jackie Kennedy

Half of all marriages will end in divorce. It is a fact that newlyweds do not want to look at, not them, they are madly in love, they will do things differently. Half of them are right!

I have been married three times. I don’t feel as if I failed in marriage but learned, it was okay that my journey through married life looked differently.

My first husband married quickly after we divorced. When we saw each other, he would put his left hand into his pocket. That was awkward and noticeable, but I guess it was all too fast, and he just wasn’t ready to flash his new ring in front of me. That was simply my observation.

When husband number two left, I was pregnant and full of pregnancy emotions. I did not want to take off my ring. I don’t know why I felt so strongly because the marriage was a huge mistake. Luckily the swelling brought on by pregnancy literally force my hand. I had to have a jeweler cut it off. That was a relief; no more ring from that man.

There are no set rules of etiquette in place. If you don’t feel comfortable removing your ring, don’t. Take it off when you feel ready. Removing the ring may represent regaining control over your life and your choices. That small act can be a powerful moment. Some ex’s actually keep their ring and put in on when they visit as a sign of respect…what? At least, that’s what I read.

Feeling conflicted about removing your ring is normal. The ring no longer represents the marriage you once had or how it turned out. Removing your ring does not mean you are ready to date; it just means you are ready to take it off.

If you are going to court for divorce and wear your ring it may trigger your soon to be ex-spouse. Know that it does hold representation and an impact. You do not have to wait for your spouse to remove theirs; you just have to be ready to remove yours. Widowed or divorced, it is your decision.

I was out with my husband, (lucky number three), and girlfriend of mine, at a local bar when a handsome actor stepped in to pick up his to-go order. I have had a crush on him for years, respectfully, from the seat of my living room couch. I looked at my husband as I took of my wedding ring and said,
“Hold onto this for me, I am going to want it back”.

He clutched my ring and said with a dimpled smile,

“Go for it babe, he’d be lucky to have you.”

We all three chuckled as I politely stayed seated, and my ring returned to its rightful place.

I promise love will turn up again, as will joy. Love is our right as humans, showing up at another time on a different path. Your finger may be busy with a whole new love at some point. Love is always surprising.

My Mantra: “Love is not a ring; a ring is not love.”

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Katie L Lindley

Although I would like to say I am organized, focused and cookie-cutter, that simply would not be me. I am no different than any other woman in the world. I love to love, love hard, and, in the end, have learned to love myself above all else. So here I am, writing about the many men and the multiple purposes they have served in my life. Realizing that not one man on my roster had fulfilled every single one of my needs. Perhaps one man is not supposed to? I have compiled snippets of the men that have entered my world. In the end, they have shoved me towards my bathroom mirror, forcing me to take a better look at myself. Reflection is brilliant and the strongest guidepost into ourselves.

Working on the next book in the series “A House for Every Purpose, My Journey From Pillow to Pillow” revels a woman abandoning her home in search or her identity beyond men, motherhood, author.

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