YES, TO THE DRESS!? KNOW WHO YOU ARE MARRING AND WHO YOU MAY BE DIVORCING?!

“Divorce is one of the most financially traumatic things you can go through. Money spent on getting mad or getting even is money wasted.” Richard Wagner

If you are old enough to get married and enter into a legal contract, you are old enough to divorce. The facts are that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce. As you find your second husband (yippy), the odds increase against you.

Dress, venue, flowers, food, cake, so much reason for celebration. You can plan that down to the cake tasting, but how well can you get divorced? Of course, no one plans on divorce. It will not happen to you; you are madly in love. All true, but so are the stats. KNOW weddings are a business; divorce is a business; marriage is a contract, therefore a business.

Time to put on your big-girl panties!

Two things.

First thing:

See the signs and take them seriously. How does your future husband talk about his exes? His ex-boss, ex-gal, ex-friend. This is a big clue as to what you are getting into if you become his ex. How does he talk about his mom? If you want to have children with him, this is pivotal because you will become a mom. How does his dad talk to his mom? His father is his role model: pay attention; that is how you will be spoken to one day. If it does not jive with the standards you have for yourself, DO NOT marry that man. Want more because you know more!

Follow your gut, NOT your heart.

Second thing:

Divorce has arrived; you landed on the 50 percent, lucky, or maybe, in fact, and eventually, you are lucky.

A sad but true moment. Try to get on the same page as your soon-to-be ex. The faster you can get to an amicable situation, the better. If there are kids involved, put them first. Complain to your therapist, NOT your lawyer, NOT your friends. Your friends will keep you in a loop of blame; keep it tight and keep it to yourself. Lawyers will drain your bank account and laugh at the billable hours of inconsequential matters. (he called me a bitch in front of the kids) NO one cares; it is heated, and it will cool down. Try to mediate or handle your divorce without a lawyer. Divorce.com. Know what your state mandates in a divorce and be smart about it. You are enormously disappointed, but BE extraordinarily smart about it.

If, at the end of the day, you are going to co-parent with this person, be smart because it’s no longer about you. Your kids may be raised completely differently in each household, and that is what may be. Do not allow yourself to get caught up in rage if your ex gets a new gal. The odds are great that he will. Stay in the middle for your kid’s sake and play nice.

What is the ongoing joke? Single women and married men are the two happiest people on earth….

Women are 80 percent more likely to file for divorce.

I have been through divorce twice. One marriage lasted 2 years, and the divorce went on for seven. It was hell and, to be honest, permanently damaging to our child.

I am currently married to a man who is good to his first wife, is a financial planner and has some of his ex-girlfriends as clients. I saw all this as super positive, as if we ended up divorced; I knew I could trust him. We both deeply want to make our marriage work, and so far, he is my favorite…
Bettany Frankel, “Just B Divorced, 101,” is doing a wonderful podcast on YouTube about divorce. Highly recommend her; she is a rock star with a plethora of information.

Read my book and watch Bettany; I promise you will get to the other side of this. My Mantra: “Marriage is a contract; know who you are getting into business with, go, love, go marriage!”