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“Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.” Joey Adams
He is but a shiny toy, and you think he is the one. Familiar desperation beats through your veins; it has got to be him! He will save you from singlehood, and you know it. Aside from tying him up, and you have considered that you turn to your bag of clever tricks to make him all yours.
What not to do if you dig the guy? You are just starting to date. Classic mistakes that women make.
- Throw yourself at him. Too much too soon. I mean, a guy thinks, where’s the fun in that? She no catch; she’s too eager. A guy may tinker around with such a girl, but it is just out of convenience; he will get bored with this quickly. Don’t be the girl that says, “I did everything!” because in doing everything, you pushed him away. A man wants a gal he has to work for. Hunters and gathering is a real deal for a guy. Let the guy chase you. Don’t mail him your undies with your down-under sent. Don’t spray his pillow with your perfume, seriously? Don’t send him a million texts at all hours. Don’t leave something at his place for him to find or you to retrieve, super lame, back off.
- If you expect to be treated a certain way…I plead the case of entitlement. Yes, women should have high standards, we want to be treated like Queens, but at the end of the day, we must land on appreciation. Appreciation of a man is ultimately necessary for him to commit to you and your relationship. A man will leave a wonderful woman for a woman that appreciates him more; cheating is complex but real. The hunter-gathering man wants to feel good about his hard work, albeit dinner out or just taking care of business. Yes, we can take ourselves out, yes, we can take care of business, but if you want a partnership, you need to give your guy credit and support for being the man that he is.
- Being too needy, insecure, or jealous. That is dangerous relationship behavior. Needing constant reassurance, texting, calling, this side of stalking. Worrying about where he is or what he is doing will drive a man further away. Clingy, wimpy, gushing girls that have the whine down to a baby science, gross. No baby talk or clingy demands on a dude. No guy wants that; even a rescuer will turn down that behavior.
- You cannot make someone love you. If he’s not that into you, let him go. Signs that he really doesn’t care about you should be obvious. He doesn’t call; he pushes out the time he spends with you. He does not introduce you to his friends or family. You are just his side thing whilst he’s looking for his main thing. No one should be a side dish unless it is mutual. Let him go find what he wants; you deserve more.
- Forcing the relationship to go forward faster. Do not stress about relationship status or the pace you are moving. A guy will never catch up to what you would like with pressure from you. Sometimes just sitting back and allowing things to evolve is the best. Be the cool Queen and let things unfold as they will. If he really likes you, he will carve out a space for you and want you to be in his life. You will know if he likes you because he calls, he is concerned, he is protective, he shares you with his friends and family, he wants to see that you are ok. This dude is into you. The cool Queen wins every time. Let him take his time. If he’s a committed bachelor, have a time limit for yourself, not for him. He will not change. We need to make choices to suit what we really want.
I foolishly tried to marry a committed bachelor. I forced my hand that forced his. We ended up engaged for a nanosecond. He did not want to get married; I did—a painful breakup for both of us, only for me to learn a valuable lesson. I share about him in my book “A Man for Every Purpose, My Naked Journey Searching for Love.” Order it, read about the perils and lessons as I was looking for love.
My Mantra “Live, love, learn, be awake.”