“Smart women love smart men more than smart men love smart women.” Natalie Portman
Honestly, dating can be fun. If you are not ready to settle down, dating is the answer. You may have reasons not to be in a permanent relationship. It may be time to focus on your career, kids, and self. Those are good reasons, not excuses, to postpone a forever-after relationship.
I have dated and then dated more. Some relationships lasted years. I have married and divorced more than twice and am now married. I have serial-dated, then I dated more, then yes, I dated more than one guy at a time. Two half-boyfriends that were fun, but ultimately, that program would never last. I know I sound like a busy girl, but I just wanted to figure out the whole damn thing out. What did I need to do to get that forever after one? I figured out a great deal; reading, writing, and heartbreak gave me great insights.
If you are dizzy from dating and genuinely want to have one partner, it may be a matter of just shifting.
The number one thing you have to do is look at all the loves you have chosen. They may seem different, but they all have one essential thing in common: YOU. That is the key. It is about you. Were you in a rotten place when you accepted the jerk you chose to hang out with?
Once you understand why you accepted these men into your life, you can connect the dots and realize why you spent time with them.
1. Know what you want in a partner and what you can add to the partnership. What brings you happiness? Would you be open to meeting someone along the way?
2. Be yourself, but find your best self. Do what you love, see the joy, and look up from your phone. If you are happy, you are open to attracting the right guy. You are complete. There is no need for a man, but I would love to meet someone happy in their singlehood.
3. Remember who men are. They want to chase, pursue, and, by some means, take care of. It is the nature of hunter and gatherer. Be open but not overly easy. Let them chase you.
4. If you think he is the one who focuses on partnership, not romance, take things slowly. Kick back. If he likes you, he will come after you.
5. Forget about guys who are not into you. It’s easy to pass on that guy. Don’t waste your time. This guy will toy with you if you let him. Be no one’s backup date.
6. Most importantly, know the difference between casual sex and relationship building. When I met my husband, he told me he loved me before we had sex. When we finally got together, I ensured we had eye contact, and our togetherness was highly bonded.
I wrote about my dating love journey, “A Man for Every Purpose, My Naked Journey Searching for Love,” and gave insight into some hot examples of bad ideas for recognizing the brilliance of finding the right love. Spoil Alert: The most essential ingredient to finding love is loving yourself.
My Mantra: “ The sexiest way to attract a partner is to uber-love yourself.”