“Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling.” Matt LeBlanc
The one-foot-in love can drag out for years. This may be the right fit if the only so-committed deal works for you; if so, no worries.
If you want more in a partnership, a marriage, or a declaration of finding someone to spend your days and years with, then the part-time gig would not be for you.
I have been in many love scenarios. I had been madly in love with an only so committed partner. I was lacking in self-esteem, and it was showing an inability to have the relationship I wanted. I became more insecure as time passed, wondering if his partial commitment would be enough. I asked if I did not deserve to have what I wanted and if I should just be grateful to have someone in my life. Those unworthy feelings grew, and I did not measure up. It slowly became less of me to continue to fit in with him ghastly.
However, I have served up part-time love as well. All the while knowing that, ultimately, that person would not be my forever partner. Am I guilty of stringing them along? Absolutely, for whatever reason, I was not ready to go. I admit I had enormous fun and allowed hearts broken; poor form. I did to them what had been done to me, taking my time in learning vital love lessons.
Ultimately, I wanted marriage, a partnership, and a team within two. I did not get that from either aforementioned love. No. By the time I was fully aware nothing more than serious dating would come of us, I found a way out. Trust me, I still loved, but as the saying goes, I loved me more. My desire to dig deeper into a relationship was how I felt, and compromising would never see me to that ending. I had to leave, mend my broken heart and find a way to forgive myself for being with someone who did not want me the way I needed to be wanted.
As complicated as that sounds, it wasn’t. Learning myself, knowing what I wanted, and preparing myself to get it. Letting people go that cannot give you what you want is ok.
Self-forgiveness, self-awareness, books, counseling, and taking a hard look at my culpability. It did not hurt that I wrote a book about my love history and had to face that daily in edits it did hurt. She was shoving me into the uncomfortable reality of…me.
When you can stand in front of the mirror with love for yourself, you are much better prepared to find healthier love. I know what I can bring to the table. If you are writing the list of what you want in a partner, make a column to match what you can bring.
My Mantra: “The best string to cut is the one stringing you along.”