MY EX TOLD ME THE GRASS WASN’T GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE… AFTER HE CHANGED LAWNS.

“A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.” Milton Berle

When marriage gets hard, other options may look shiny, distracting, or better. However, that may not always be the case. Life and marriage/long-term partnership will offer you challenging moments. It is part of the whole system to take a greater look into ourselves through the lens of our beloved. Mirroring what we don’t want to look at can be uncomfortable but ultimately a good thing.

When I was young, in a young marriage with two children, my husband ran off with his secretary. Okay, that seems pretty typical. He traded me in for a different version, which was, again, typical. Life seemed so confusing then. I had different plans for us other than divorce, but I had no other choice, or so I thought. Hindsight is different from each perspective. Questioning my choice at this point is a luxurious folly.

Indiscretion can break a relationship—that is not new information. The trust factor and innocence can change in a sloppy, passionate moment.

At that time, I could not believe it, but I knew it inside me, and I did not want to admit it. I was filled with anger and fear, driven by a newfound insecurity that was becoming my daily outfit. It was not a good look for a girl desperately trying to balance her strange new normal.
Why do they say time heals all wounds? Lie.

Time went on without healing; time did not heal my hurt. I would find out that I had to heal and do the work, and the process took longer than I care to admit.
Instead of facing my healing, I turned myself inside out and dated some bad guys in search of validation. Of course, that did not work. For me, it took being single, reading books, going to counseling, and forgiving myself, forgiving him, forgiving her. I tried anyway.
I discovered a quote from Louise L. Hay, “I forgive you for not being who I needed you to be.” That helped me a great deal. I did find myself as a single mom adjusting. It was the best choice: “Get yourself together, girl!” I did, and pretty damn good.
A few years after our split, my ex told me, “The grass isn’t any greener on the other side of the fence.” I knew that was the best he could do to acknowledge what we had, and I accepted it. It was just right to have the closure we needed.

Honestly the grass is greener where you water it. What you focus on is what you turn yourself inside out for. Marriage is not a snap; it is a promise, and sometimes those promises are broken. It takes work and consideration of your partner and yourself. My journey has led me through many scenarios. Each relationship was a derivative of how I felt about myself then.

Lesson…

My Mantra: “We attract what we believe we deserve.”