OK, GUYS, STOP WITH THE LOVE-BOMBING; IT FREAKS US OUT!

“Love does not dominate; it cultivates.” Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

First, too much too soon will scare away a smart girl, even a half-smart girl.

But let’s start at the beginning. You see her picture, and wow. You meet her, and she is everything you can imagine and more. You are hooked, but wait…You do not know her yet. She is just what you imagine her to be, not who she is.

Men tend to leap before they look. They see what they want to see, put said girl on a pedestal, and charge forward. These guys are crushing hard and playing up how perfect she is for him. Flooding her with text, flowers, phone calls, overly eager dude, slow down! This is when women can feel overwhelmed and pump the brakes. These men start to love-bomb and don’t let up.

Guys assume that this crush has all the traits he is looking for and wants in his future. DO NOT pedestal a woman; it will never work. When she comes off the pedestal, you may not like her. This too much too soon is a rooky mistake. If you find yourself wanting to admire a stranger, stop. That may be easier said than done, but going overboard will not serve for the long game.

Don’t let your fantasy of her interfere with the fact she may be a great gal. Walking away when you see she is not what you imagined may be a huge mistake. This is where slowing down and setting aside the fantasy will serve you.

Remember, you have yet to learn who she is.

We gals want to kick the tires before we buy the car. We want a certain amount of assurance before we go head over heels. We have learned that lesson (the hard way) not to have the naked date until we are sure this is the guy we want to, uh, be naked with.
Now you know what not to do.

What should you do?

Have a list of Must-Haves and Never-Evers.

For example, a smoker may be on the never list. Or a mother of three young children when your kids are finishing college. Or must-haves might be a woman who has a whip-smart sense of humor. These two lists are your starting point. Do not compromise; use your gut instinct to rely on… if alarm bells go off; pay attention!

Then, there is post-nuts clarity. After you have had sex, she turns out to be less than what you were hoping for. Do you then do the backward dance out the door? Hanging onto her like a fine backup plan, or do you get real with what you want? It weighs with the fact you are having sex, but then what? If you are heading in the wrong direction, you are wasting time for both of you; buck up buttercup, be honest.

Is there a reason you would compromise your life, days, money, time, and family for the wrong gal? Did she hide that she was batshit crazy? Or did you not have due diligence and weed out the nuts from someone solid? If you are falling down a slippery slope, find your bearings.

Guys, many women are out there—good, kind, cute, funny, smart, and crazy. If you manage your self-worth, you will find the right one. Have boxes that they must check, and don’t lose the list; after all, you are worth it.

My Mantra: “If you want to find a real gal get real.”