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“I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that.” Mitch Hedberg
You are super excited. Here he is. You’ve done the miles with online dating and finally found a guy you want to get to know better. He is handsome and witty. You really like him. You are giddy, and each time you see one another, it is fun, exciting, this side of wonderful.
Your naked time is on a roll, getting better and better. You cannot wait to see him again. You cannot stop thinking about him. He now monopolizes your waking thoughts. It suddenly occurs that you see him Tuesdays, Friday, and Sundays, which makes you wonder…
He has put you on a schedule. You didn’t notice at first but now realize that you see him twice a week and once on the weekend. You have not had “the exclusive talk” because, in the very beginning, he implied his desire for exclusivity. Tricky that one is, not really ever saying he wanted to be exclusive with you. That illusion was enough for you forward marching into this dreamy dude. I get it, no judgments; I’ve been tripped up by a dreamy dude too.
Not so fast, he sees others; he is rotating others. All of this is guilt-free on his part as he has broken no promises. Wake up and smell the one-foot-in, partially committed guy. This guy is great in the sack, fun, romantic, and part-time.
The question is, do you want more? If the answer is yes, do some fact-finding. It is always best not to move too quickly until you know for sure. You can ask him directly and use your gut instinct or try to be clever to figure out what he is doing on your days away from him. That is up to you.
Do not get played by the Lover dude. Have the relationship you want, not some version of it. He has a revolving door; it’s up to you if you chose to go through it. At least understand the truth of him.
I have known women who prefer the partially committed guy because she doesn’t have time or desire for any other type of relationship. She runs fast and hard and does not want to get tangled up in anything more serious. That type of set-up is just right for her. The question is, does it work for you?
If the sincere answer is no, move along. Much better than being strung along.
I have had my time with Loverboy. I thought he was just perfect. I was starting to fall in love with this man. I had no idea he was rotating other women. I was innocently caught in his schedule. I wrote about Lover in my book, “A Man for Every Purpose, My Naked Journey Searching for Love.”
When I knew the reality of him, I broke it off, flooded in tears. I hated being the dumb girl with her eyes half-open, but I was. Until I wasn’t. Gaining strength in my own decisions, desires, and truth, with each heartbreak came a strength, a knowingness into what would really work for me. That type of compromise was not where I wanted to end. I deeply wanted more. To find what I wanted, the only choice was to leave behind the man who really did not love me.
My Mantra: “Learning about love as we go can be filled with mistakes and tears, don’t give up”.